1. Hi! I’m busy negotiating the salary for my new job. Don’t bother to leave me any messages.
3. I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position.
4. I am on holiday. Your e-mail has been deleted.
5. I am with your wife.
6. I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as “Louisa” instead of “Brandon.”
7. I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation on 7/20. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.
8. I’m not really out of the office. I’m just ignoring you.
10. Please reply to this e-mail so I will know that you got this message.
11. Sorry to have missed you but I am at the doctors having my brain removed so that I may be promoted to management.
12. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $9.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.
13. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 992nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 23 weeks.
14. The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again.
15. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn’t have received anything at all.