Macam Macam Ada

Xuan Ze

2008-06-19T04:32:00.000-07:00

http://youtube.com/watch?v=8nHHBJa1mUI

Drag and Drop World

2008-06-13T21:05:00.000-07:00

Automatic Email Reply

2008-05-10T00:36:00.002-07:00

1. Hi! I’m busy negotiating the salary for my new job. Don’t bother to leave me any messages.

2. Hi. I’m thinking about what you’ve just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.

3. I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position.

4. I am on holiday. Your e-mail has been deleted.

5. I am with your wife.

6. I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as “Louisa” instead of “Brandon.”

7. I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation on 7/20. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.

8. I’m not really out of the office. I’m just ignoring you.

9. I’ve run away to join a different circus.

10. Please reply to this e-mail so I will know that you got this message.

11. Sorry to have missed you but I am at the doctors having my brain removed so that I may be promoted to management.

12. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $9.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.

13. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 992nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 23 weeks.

14. The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again.

15. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn’t have received anything at all.

Quality Time

2008-05-10T00:36:00.001-07:00

Msian Politics - Motivational Posters

2008-05-09T23:21:00.000-07:00

Obtained from http://scottthong.wordpress.com/2008/03/26/malaysian-politics-motivational-posters/

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Malaysian Politics Motivational Posters

LATEST UPDATE: 9 May 2008

TOTAL POSTERS: 32

By yours truly. (Blog address added to posters on Kean’s prompting.)

Numberings and references for all posters are at the end of this post.

Updated with new ones as they are created.

Click to view and save full versions. Images and free for forwarding, use on blogs/sites and other reproduction - but please keep the credit ‘kay?

Show your friends. Spread them around. But most importantly, MOCK!!!

1) Correct - Wikipedia on Lingam Tape, Youtube video search

2) Chinese Blood - Police Warn Against Race Baiting in 2008 General Election (Like That’s Gonna Stop UMNO)

3) Street Protest - Penang: Massive Illegal UMNO Street Mob Protests Anti-NEP

4) Malayan Union - Najib Tun Razak Says Street Demonstrations Such As Bersih Rally Not Part of Malaysian Culture, Conveniently Forgets Malayan Union Protests

5) Insulting Royalty - Sultans, Politics and MBs - Another Giant Kayu Balak in UMNO’s Eye

6) Police Restraint - 2007 Bersih Rally - Super Cover Up Job by Government and Mainstream Media (with link to video evidence)

7) BN Selangor - Barisan Nasional Selangor Shredding Documents Photos

8.) Irrelevance - Wikipedia on Malaysian Parliamentary seats 2008

9) Happy 72nd Birthday - Wikipedia on Sammy Vellu

10) National Hero - Economics Quiz - What Malaysian Political Party Are You?, Malaysian Astronaut Cosmonaut Angkasawan and joking reference to Captain America

11) National Car - 70% tariff on imports and Wikipedia on Malaysia’s killer car tariffs, duties and taxes

12) Let Comatose Tigers Lie - PROTON loses top spot to PERODUA, EPF ownership of shares and Billions poured into PROTON

13) Your Oil Money - Economics Quiz - What Malaysian Political Party Are You?, Sarawak gets only 5% royalty from its petroleum and 1970 Sabah richest state, today poorest state

14) Dialogue - Youtube Video Warning For Namewee (Negarakuku)

15) House of Worship - Bobjots: Orang Asli Church Demolishment

16) Do Not Disturb - Bumiputera Malaysia: Abdullah Ahmad Badawi sleeps when Malaysia is not OK

17) I Has A Nap - Bumiputera Malaysia: Abdullah Ahmad Badawi sleeps when Malaysia is not OK and based on this lol:

18.) Dialogue 2 - Megaton Punch! UMNO Supporters Punch Guangming Daily Press Photographer

19) Keris Hero - Police Warn Against Race Baiting in 2008 General Election (Like That’s Gonna Stop UMNO) and Guitar Hero video game

20) My Pokémons - Lee Jeok: Malaysian Cabinet 2008 Chart and based on this lol:

21) Officer On Duty - Lim Kit Siang on crime rate increase during Badawi’s four years and Bumiputera Malaysia: Abdullah Ahmad Badawi sleeps when Malaysia is not OK

22) Khalwat Alert - Perak Religious Department to Continue Raids on Hotels, and made more relevant by Beware: Khalwat for you, too

23) Our Next PM? - Badawi names Najib as his successor. If so, please kill me before I kill myself or his policies kill the nation. This guy…

Criticized the Bersih rally as ‘not Malaysian culture’ and then said nothing when his UMNO buddies illegally rallied in Penang
Called for the keris to be ‘bathed in Chinese blood’
Blamed local floods on global warming instead of admitting BN responsibility for poor preparations
Urged us not to vote Opposition even if BN is the suckiest suck to ever suck a suck
See also Do you want Najib as your next PM? and Can the man with ‘no balls’ be prime minister? for much more rotten-nuttiness of Nut-jib.

24) M.A.H.A.T.H.I.R 1 - Mahathir asks Badawi to resign recently, and long history at Sean the Man: Mahathir vs Abdullah Badawi

25) M.A.H.A.T.H.I.R 2 - Saya Zalim Anwar Video: Dr. Mahathir Admits Arresting Anwar Ibrahim Without Cause? and based on joke from Seventh Rangers (Mechanized). (Boy, he sure doesn’t like his Deputy PMs eh?)

26) Khairys Angels - Wikipedia on Khairy Jamaluddin and Mat Rempit, MageP’s Lab: Mat Cemerlang’s clubs and Malaysiakini: Putera Umno’s glorification of Mat Rempit ludicrous. Title is a play on Hells Angels.

27) Not News - Haris Ibrahim has a concise summary of the blinders the MSM wears. 20,000 rallying at Anwar Ibrahim’s return to politics, and all the Government Enslaved Media (GEM) can focus on is the police response to it. But can’t really blame them, because if anyone dares cover it properly, they get their newspaper banned.

28.) National Service - IAmMalaysian on NS deaths which gets some info from Wikipedia, and NS doesn’t fulfill its main purpose of building unity.

29) Ketuanan Cina - See the titular post Ketuanan Cina and Ketuanan Melayu. Compare with Posters 2 and 19. The Chinese supremacist featured is Lu Bu.

30) Khairy Jamaluddin - See his blog here. Ironic because he called bloggers - you guessed it! - monkeys! See here and here for details. Excellent monkey pic from National Geographic.

31) Public Enemy #1 - Raja Petra Kamarudin Chooses Jail Rather Than Pay RM 5,000 Bail

32) Last Words -Latest Malaysian National Service Death, 9 May 2008. See also Poster #28 and its references.

Europe vs Italy

2008-05-07T06:44:00.000-07:00

Light Beer

2008-05-06T13:23:00.001-07:00

Enjoy...

Personal Integrity

2008-05-01T16:57:00.000-07:00

An investment counselor decided to go out on her own. She was shrewd and diligent, so business kept coming in, and pretty soon she realized that she needed an in-house counsel. The investment banker began to interview young lawyers.

"As I'm sure you can understand," she started off with one of the first applicants, "in a business like this, our personal integrity must be beyond question." She leaned forward. "Mr. Mayberry, are you an honest lawyer?"

"Honest?" replied the job prospect. "Let me tell you something about honest. Why, I'm so honest that my father lent me $15,000 for my education, and I paid back every penny the minute I tried my very first case."

"Impressive. And what sort of case was that?" asked the investment counselor.

The lawyer squirmed in his seat and admitted, "He sued me for the money."

Songs Re-engineered

2008-04-29T16:34:00.000-07:00

A repost from Zewt's - http://zewt.blogspot.com/

http://zewt.blogspot.com/2008/04/songs-re-engineered.html

You will probably need to be aware of the music industry in the early 90s to figure this out.

That was easy isn't it? As for this one, you will need to back a lilttle further to the 80s to figure this out. Can you make up what it is? Please mind the spelling of the singer though.

How about this one?

I think this is one of the best... C'mon... let's sing it together... I'm your...xxx...xxx..xxx...

But seriously, I have no idea which one is this... anyone?

Watch Your Life

2008-04-29T06:36:00.000-07:00

*Your life - your likes - you decide!!!*

A long time ago, there was an Emperor who told his horseman that if he could ride on his horse and cover as much land area as he likes, then the Emperor would give him the area of land he has covered.

Sure enough, the horseman quickly jumped onto his horse and rode as fast as possible to cover as much land area as he could. He kept on riding and riding, whipping the horse to go as fast as possible. When he was hungry or tired, he did not stop because he wanted to cover as much area as possible.

Came to a point when he had covered a substantial area and he was exhausted and was dying. Then he asked himself, "Why did I push myself so hard to cover so much land area? Now I am dying and I only need a very small area to bury myself."

The above story is similar with the journey of our Life. We push very hard everyday to make more money, to gain power and recognition. We neglect our health , time with our family and to appreciate the surrounding beauty and the hobbies we love.

One day when we look back , we will realize that we don't really need that much, but then we cannot turn back time for what we have missed.

Life is not about making money, acquiring power or recognition . Life is definitely not about work! Work is only necessary to keep us living so as to enjoy the beauty and pleasures of life. Life is a balance of Work and Play , Family and Personal time . You have to decide how you want to balance your Life. Define your priorities, realize what you are able to compromise but always let some of your decisions be based on your instincts. Happiness is the meaning and the purpose of Life, the whole aim of human existence.

So, take it easy, do what you want to do and appreciate nature. Life is fragile, Life is short. Do not take Life for granted. Live a balanced lifestyle and enjoy Life!

Watch your thoughts ; they become words.

Watch your words ; they become actions.

Watch your actions ; they become habits.

Watch your habits; they become character .

Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Smile in pleasure,

Smile in pain,

Smile when trouble pours like rain,

Smile when someone hurts U,

Smile coz someone cares 4 U,

Keep Smiling.

Comfort Pillow 18SX

2008-04-29T06:32:00.000-07:00

Japanese Invention no doubt. Hahahaha

Prisoners vs Employees!!!

2008-04-29T06:19:00.000-07:00

You Have A choice ......

IN PRISON
you spend the majority of your time in an 8'X10' cell

AT WORK
you spend most of your time in a 6'X8' cubicle ..

IN PRISON
you get three meals a day (free).

AT WORK
you only get a break for one meal and probably have to pay for it yourself .

IN PRISON
you get time off for good behaviour.

AT WORK
you get rewarded for good behaviour with more WORK.

IN PRISON
a guard locks and unlocks the doors for you ..

AT WORK
you must carry around a security card and unlock all the doors yourself .

IN PRISON
you can watch TV and play games.

AT WORK
you get fired for watching TV and playing games.

IN PRISON
they allow your family and friends to visit.

AT WORK
you can not even speak to your family and friends.

IN PRISON
all expenses are paid by taxpayers with no work at all.

AT WORK
You get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for the prisoners.

Hmmm? Which Sounds Better?

So what are you waiting for.........??

KILL YOUR BOSS!!!

Last Request

2008-04-17T05:03:00.000-07:00

The inmate on death row was scheduled to be put to death by firing squad the follow morning. Throughout the day, the prison guards were being very nice to him. But when they asked him if he wanted something specific for his last meal, he said he didn''''t want anything special. When they asked if there was something special he wanted to do, he said nothing. It went on like this all day.

Finally, when he was put before the firing squad, the guard asked if he wanted a cigarette and a blindfold.

"No," the inmate said, "just get it over with."

"Well, is there anything that I can do for you before you go?" said the guard. "You didn''''t even want a special last meal!"

The inmate thought. "Actually," he said, "Music is my life. One thing I would really like would be to sing my favorite song, one whole time through, with no interruptions."

The guard nodded and told him to go ahead.

The inmate started, "One billion bottles of beer on the wall..."

Subliminal Messaging

2008-04-16T12:45:00.001-07:00

The IPod Human

2008-04-16T12:28:00.001-07:00

Mind Geek

2008-04-16T12:15:00.000-07:00

How to be Ninja

2008-04-16T12:14:00.000-07:00

T Shirts for Sale

2008-04-14T09:13:00.001-07:00

Little Card

2008-04-14T09:03:00.000-07:00

Roofball

2008-04-14T06:21:00.000-07:00

Sent by CG. Then I lookup on Youtube, so I no need to upload.
Wakakakakaka. Say, thanks CG!

Sufiah Yusof

2008-04-12T21:06:00.000-07:00

Obtained from: http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2008/4/7/nation/20870201&sec=nation

Quite frankly, I do not know what to make of it.

PETALING JAYA: Maths prodigy Sufiah Yusof, who is now working as a prostitute, claims she is living the life she wants without any regrets.

She does not think being an escort is sleazy and terrible and says her clients treat her like a princess in an interview with British tabloid News of the World.

“People think escorting is sleazy and terrible but I don’t see it like that,” she said in a no-holds-barred interview that was published with pictures of her in skimpy attire and sexy poses.

Sufiah: ‘People think escorting is sleazy and terrible but I don’t see it like that’

Sufiah claimed that she wanted to be in control of her life.

“I hate this stereotype society has of escorts as being exploited. It is so far from the truth. My clients treat me like a princess. One guy took me shopping on Bond Street. He bought me a beautiful black Gucci dress for £300 (RM1,920) and then took me to Selfridges, where I could pick a handbag I liked.”

Sufiah chose a £600 (RM3,840) Gucci clutch and later that night, she repaid him for his generosity .

The 23-year-old Sufiah, who passed her Maths A-level when she was only 12, was enrolled at St Hilda’s College in Oxford a year later.

She was working as an administrative assistant earning £16,000 (RM102,400) a year in Manchester when, about four months ago in a bar, she was asked by an “immaculate lady in a designer suit” to become an escort.

She found the offer appealing because she was running up debts of about £3,500 (RM22,400) in rent and credit card expenses.

“I have studied so intensely for so many years, I wanted to have some fun,” said Sufiah, whose Pakistani father Farooq Yusof forced her to study day and night.

The father is now in jail for sexually assaulting two pupils.

She sent her photographs to an escort website and the agency listed her. A few days later, she was offered a client.

She admitted being quite nervous, but excited as well.

In control: A reader looking at the News of the World’s interview with Sufiah in which she describes her life now as nice.

Sufiah said the first client was a “lovely man” in his late 20s, tall and handsome.

“I left that night feeling totally elated having an amazing time with £250 (RM1,600) in my purse,” said Sufiah.

She has built a base of regular clients and saw between five and 10 men each week.

“I don’t believe my education had been wasted – in fact, I usually take problem sheets with me to solve before appointments,” she said.

Sufiah claimed she could earn more than £1,000 (RM6,400) a night by having dinner and staying over with a client.

“Now, I wonder if I could go back to a normal relationship, where you watch EastEnders and have boring sex. I’ve gotten used to being treated like a princess,” she said.

If Sufiah talked glowingly about her “career,” she was not so effusive when talking about her childhood and her father.

She recalled studying maths all the time. She did not have any friends or allowed to join any activities.

“As I grew older, I began to clash with my father. He was violent at times. He pushed me so far academically, I became more confident for any girl my age. I grew up too quickly.

“Oxford was an amazing place but I was too young. By the time I was 15, I wanted to be in control of my life. I fought back,” she said.

That was the year she ran away from university.

Sufiah told the News of the World she ran away with £200 (RM1,280). She found a hostel in London for £14 (RM89.60) a night. After a week, she moved to a hostel in Bournemouth.

When she was found in an Internet cafe, Sufiah refused to go home. She was placed in foster care.

When she was 18, Sufiah returned to Oxford to resume her studies. She fell in love and married fellow student Jonathan Marshall a year later.

“At that time, I thought we would be together forever, but we married too young and grew apart,” she said.

After the divorce, she moved back to London and taught maths in the evening. Six months ago, she shifted to Manchester and became an escort.

“I still enjoy learning and I find it puts me in the right frame of mind for an intelligent conversation with my clients,” she said.

Sufiah is adamant about continuing with her “career” because “I have a nice life.”

She also does not want much to do with her parents. Describing the relationship as estranged, she said she was in contact with them occasionally but “couldn’t speculate what they will think of my new life.”

“I have never felt so confident about my body and I’ve had some of the best sex of my life,” she said.

For pictures of Sufiah Yusof, you can find it here - http://www.newsoftheworld.co.uk/slidecenter/0604_maths/pages/01math12.htm

Lying bastard

2008-04-07T06:18:00.000-07:00

A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day, their passions overcame them and they took off for her house, where they made passionate love all afternoon. Exhausted from the wild sex, they fell asleep, awakening around 8:00 pm. As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Mystified, she nonetheless complied. He slipped into his shoes and drove home.

"Where have you been?" demanded his wife when he entered the house.

"Darling, I can’t lie to you. I’ve been having an affair with my secretary and we’ve been having sex all afternoon. I fell asleep and didn’t wake up until eight o’clock."

The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, "You lying bastard! You’ve been playing golf!".

Cheques

2008-04-04T09:02:00.000-07:00

Go West

2008-04-04T05:10:00.000-07:00

The Original by Pet Shop Boys

Viral Politician Video

2008-04-04T05:07:00.000-07:00

Try this at your office!!!

2008-03-29T23:10:00.001-07:00

Let the gossip mongers have a fun time...

The village that built a huge business empire

2008-03-29T00:04:00.001-07:00

Proud of their achievements: A giant sign saying ‘No. 1 Village of the World’ seen at the entrance of Huaxi Village in Jiangsu province.

http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2008/3/29/focus/20782022&sec=focus

SHANGHAI BUND
By CHOW HOW BAN

A miracle may be the most apt description for Huaxi Village, China’s richest village, where the modern socialist system shines and helps bring prosperity to every resident.

China's No. 1 Village

I REMEMBER seeing rubbish strewn in an unkempt and stagnant river behind a villa during a visit to China’s richest village, Huaxi in Jiangsu province, last July.

That’s the first impression I had of the village whose residents have at least a bungalow and a car each as well as savings of more than a million yuan (RM458,000).

The host showed a group of us from Malaysia her beautiful house with simple decorations. It’s the villager custom to share their road to success with anyone.

The lack of civic-mindedness among the Huaxi villagers, too, is something they don’t hide.

“That’s true and this shows that the villagers’ level of awareness on environment protection is still relatively low,” Huaxi Village communist party secretary Wu Xie’en said in an interview last Sunday.

“We distribute pamphlets to every household to educate them to keep their compound clean. We still need to improve on this.”

Economically, the village is enjoying a good run. But, they hope to produce first-class villagers who are as good as they are in their entrepreneurship inclination.

A miracle may be the most apt description for Huaxi Village, where the modern socialist system shines and helps bring prosperity to every villager.

How does the system work? Every worker of the companies under the village-owned Huaxi Group receives only 30% of his salary every month for living expenses.

The remaining 70% is left within the company as liquid capital and the worker will get his year-end bonus, which is three times more than his wage.

The person cannot take out his bonus but is offered shares in the company instead. The following year, he will get his share dividends from profits the company makes.

Zhang Qilong, who moved to the village from Huai’an to work at Jiangyin Huaxi Steel Co Ltd as an assistant chief, gets a monthly salary of 1,500 yuan (RM690), most of which is tied to shares in his company.

“I only get a few hundred (yuan) every month but the company provides us with free accommodation and gives us shares and many social benefits,” he said.

Wu said: “We practise the ‘prosperity for all’ concept. While our (Huaxi-born) villagers who venture into the group of companies reap profits from their investment, workers also have the same opportunity.

“Besides salary and dividend, they also enjoy various benefits such as free education, medical and health examination, and rice and cooking oil allowances.”

A senior journalist of Xinhua news agency, Yuan Yanghe, said at a ceremony held in the village recently that the unique reward policy of the village had made a deep impression on him.

“If a senior citizen lives until 100 years old, each of his family members will be awarded 10,000 yuan (RM4,600). A few years ago, when an elderly man celebrated his centennial birthday, 37 members of his family receivedthe award,” he said.

By having villagers and workers chip into Huaxi Group, the funds snowball, providing Huaxi Group the cash flow to operate and grow its businesses.

The Huaxi Group, now with more than 60 companies under its umbrella and a listing on the Shenzhen Stock Exchange, first ventured into business in 1961. It has a wide range of businesses, including those in steel-making, textile and tourism.

In 1975, the village used the profits from its hardware business to build a five-storey building for a childcare centre and primary and secondary schools that locals proudly regard as their “education building”.

Under the leadership of its previous secretary and Wu’s father Renbao, the village then ventured into the manufacturing of nylon fabric. At that time, Renbao estimated the start-up capital at 190,000 yuan (RM87,000) but the village’s coffers was 60,000 yuan (27,500)short.

The ex-secretary and several leaders of the village dug into their personal savings and banded with other villagers to build the factory.

“Can you all tighten your belts temporarily, take less dividends this year and turn the money saved into shares?” the ex-secretary asked the villagers.

That was Renbao’s maiden effort to unify the village’s resources and create a business empire fully belonging to the people.

Within a year, the nylon business soared to a sales volume of 1.19 million yuan (RM545,000), making a profit of 380,000 yuan (RM174,000).

Over the decades, the Huaxi Group grew by leaps and bounds and hit a sales volume of 45 billion yuan (RM20.6bil)and contributed over 800 million yuan (RM366.2mil) in taxes.

Yang Yongchang, a native from a nearby village who moved to Huaxi to set up his own business in 1997, believes in the “collective economy” and “prosperity for all” system.

“I operated my business for about five years before buying a residential account in this village and incorporating the business with the Huaxi Group.

“I have since been given the task to head Jiangyin Huaxi Steel Co Ltd,” he said.

“I agreed with the ex-secretary’s economy model. Before joining the Huaxi Group, I always thought of my own interest first but now I want to shoulder the social responsibility and contribute my worth to society.”

The villagers’ wealth can be seen in the hundreds of rows of bungalows, but Zhang pointed out that many workers below the executive level have a hill to climb to feel the full effect of the system.

“Prosperity for all doesn’t mean equal distribution of wealth. Company workers still earn less than others, and it’s still very much performance-based,” he said.

Asta La Vista, babe!

2008-03-27T08:25:00.000-07:00

Bizfun is BACK!!!
http://www.bizfun.cc/forum

Taxi driver

2008-03-26T07:13:00.001-07:00

A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window. For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, “Look mate, don’t ever do that again. You scared the shit out of me!”

The passenger apologized and said, “I didn’t realize that a little tap would scare you so much.” The driver replied, “Sorry, it’s not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver - I’ve been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years”

Drunk driver

2008-03-26T06:47:00.000-07:00

A policeman pulls over a driver for swerving in and out of lanes on the highway. He tells the guy to blow a breath into a breathalyzer.

“I can’t do that, officer.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’m an asthmatic. I could get an asthma attack if I blow into that tube.”

“Okay, we’ll just get a urine sample down at the station.”

“Can’t do that either, officer.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’m a diabetic. I could get low blood sugar if I pee in a cup.”

“Alright, we could get a blood sample.”

“Can’t do that either, officer.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’m a hemophiliac. If I give blood I could die.”

“Fine then, just walk this white line.”

“Can’t do that either, officer.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’m drunk.”

War Insurance

2008-03-26T06:11:00.000-07:00

Airman Jones was assigned to the induction center where he was to advise new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance.

It wasn’t long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Jones had almost a 100% record for insurance sales, which had never happened before.

Rather than ask about this, the Captain stood in the back of the room and listened to Jones’s sales pitch. Jones explained the basics of the GI Insurance to the new recruits, and then said:

“If you have GI Insurance and go into battle and are killed, the government has to pay $200,000 to your beneficiaries. If you don’t have GI insurance, and you go into battle and get killed, the government has to pay only a maximum of $6000.”

“Now,” he concluded,” which bunch do you think they are going to send into battle first?

Get smarter by drinking

2008-03-26T05:57:00.001-07:00

A herd of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest buffalo, and when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular culling of the weakest members.

In much the same way the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, we all know, kills brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.

In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain
cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.

That’s why you always feel smarter after a few beers.

Football Training Session

2008-03-26T05:48:00.000-07:00

Beer helps

2008-03-26T05:46:00.001-07:00

Road Sign

2008-03-26T05:43:00.000-07:00

Click to enlarge

In Support of Earth Hour

2008-03-24T05:05:00.000-07:00

Original Version

San Francisco joins Earth Hour

Australia embraced Earth Hour

Si Gong

2008-03-24T05:04:00.001-07:00

My "si gong" - not Jay Chou of course...

My Cubicle

2008-03-23T00:50:00.000-07:00

Lyrics:
"MY CUBICLE"

My job is stupid,
My day's a bore,
Inside this office,
From 8 to 4.

Nothing ever happens,
My life is pretty blank,
Pretending that I am working,
Pray I don't get canned.

My cubicle, my cubicle,
It's 1 of 62,
It's my small space,
In a crowded place,
Just a six by six board booth,
And I hate it, that's the truth.

When I give a sigh,
As the boss walks by,
No one ever talks to me,
Or looks me in the eye,
And I really should work,
But instead I just sit here,
And surf the internet.

And my cubicle, my cubicle,
It doesn't have a view,
It's my small space,
In a crowded place,
I sit inside there too,
And sometimes I sit here nude.

Your song about my client - Delilah

2008-03-23T00:49:00.000-07:00

In response to the Delilah's song

All food comes from India

2008-03-23T00:27:00.001-07:00

FBI

2008-03-18T16:42:00.000-07:00

The phone rings at FBI headquarters.

“Hello?”

“Hello, is this the FBI?”

“Yes. What do you want?”

“I’m calling to report my neighbor John Doe! He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood.”

“Thank you very much for the call, sir.”

The next day, the FBI agents descend on Doe’s house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swear at Doe and leave.

The phone rings at Doe’s house.

“Hey, John! Did the FBI come?”

“Yeah!”

“Did they chop your firewood?”

“Yep”

“Great, now it’s your turn to call. I need my garden plowed.”

FOC Lesson

2008-03-18T16:39:00.001-07:00

Remote Control

2008-03-18T16:37:00.001-07:00

Three Generals

2008-03-18T16:29:00.000-07:00

A marine general, an army general and a navy admiral were discussing who had the toughest men.

The army general says, “Alright, I’ll prove the army has the toughest men in the country. Private, get over here!”
The private reports as ordered, “Yes sir?”
The general says, “See that man over there? Kill him!”
Without hesitating, the private kills the man.
The general says, “See? That man has balls!”

The marine general says, That’s nothing. Private, get over here!”
The marine private reports, “Yes, sir?”
The marine general says, “See that man over there? Kill him and then kill yourself.”
Without blinking, the marine private pulls out his M-16 and blows away the guy, then turns the rifle on himself and unloads several rounds.
The marine general says, “See? Now that man has balls!”

The admiral says, “That’s nothing.”
He calls to a seaman high up on a tower, “Hey, seaman, jump off that tower!”
The seaman answers, “Excuse me, sir?”
The admiral repeats, “JUMP OFF THAT TOWER!”
The seaman replies, “Fuck you, sir!”
The admiral says, “See? That man has balls and he’s got brains too!”

Street Fighter: The Later Years

2008-03-15T19:45:00.000-07:00

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

Part 6

Part 7

Part 8

Part 9

Music, please

2008-03-15T17:50:00.001-07:00

Hairdresser

2008-03-15T08:41:00.001-07:00

romPAK LAH

2008-03-14T23:25:00.000-07:00

Setem YB

2008-03-14T23:21:00.000-07:00

Ubah Gaya Hidup

2008-03-14T23:17:00.000-07:00

Wake up and feed me

2008-03-13T06:11:00.000-07:00

Wake up!!!

2008-03-11T16:59:00.001-07:00

Karma?

2008-03-11T04:22:00.000-07:00

http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2008/3/11/nation/20080311085456&sec=nation

Zakaria Deros of 'istana infamy' dies (updated)

KLANG: Former Port Klang assemblyman Datuk Zakaria Md Deros died after suffering a heart attack early Tuesday morning.

The controversial 62-year-old politician was dropped from the Selangor Barisan Nasional line-up for the general election.

Datuk Zakaria Md Deros

He was replaced by his daughter-in-law Roselinda Abdul Jamil as the candidate for the seat, which she did not win.

Also a former Klang municipal councillor, Zakaria hogged headlines last year when he had a run-in with the law for not submitting building plans for a mansion that was described as a virtual “istana” (palace) by his critics.

He was also found to have not paid the assessment for another property for 12 years, while his family was caught operating an illegal satay restaurant on government reserve land.

Due to these controversies, Zakaria gave in to mounting pressure and withdrew from being a municipal councillor.

His mansion has 21 bathrooms and 16 bedrooms, including 11 that are occupied by each of his children, as well as a VIP room, three living rooms, a dining hall and a prayer room.

The house also has a swimming pool, several gazebos, an orchard, a two-hole golf lawn, an office, a storeroom, two rooms for maids as well as a wet kitchen and a dry kitchen.

He is expected to be buried in Malacca.

Little Nancy's Pet

2008-03-11T04:20:00.000-07:00

Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the little girl was up to, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Nancy?"

"My goldfish died," replied Nancy tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him."

The neighbor was concerned, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"

Nancy patted down the last heap of earth and then replied, "That's because he's inside your stupid cat."

GOODBYE SAM!

2008-03-10T04:00:00.000-07:00

Jeff Ooi - Han Chiang, Penang

2008-03-07T05:47:00.000-08:00

Peak Oil - A Myth

2008-03-07T04:55:00.001-08:00

http://online.wsj.com/public/article_print/SB120459389654809159.html

Many energy analysts view the ongoing waltz of crude prices with the mystical $100 mark -- notwithstanding the dollar's anemia -- as another sign of the beginning of the end for the oil era. "[A]t the furthest out, it will be a crisis in 2008 to 2012," declares Matthew Simmons, the most vocal voice among the "neo-peak-oil" club. Tempering this pessimism only slightly is the viewpoint gaining ground among many industry leaders, who argue that daily production by 2030 of 100 million barrels will be difficult.

In fact, we are nowhere close to reaching a peak in global oil supplies

Given a set of assumptions, forecasting the peak-oil-point -- defined as the onset of global production decline -- is a relatively trivial problem. Four primary factors will pinpoint its exact timing. The trivial becomes far more complex because the four factors -- resources in place (how many barrels initially underground), recovery efficiency (what percentage is ultimately recoverable), rate of consumption, and state of depletion at peak (how empty is the global tank when decline kicks in) -- are inherently uncertain.

- What are the global resources in place? Estimates vary. But approximately six to eight trillion barrels each for conventional and unconventional oil resources (shale oil, tar sands, extra heavy oil) represent probable figures -- inclusive of future discoveries. As a matter of context, the globe has consumed only one out of a grand total of 12 to 16 trillion barrels underground.

- What percentage of global resources is ultimately recoverable? The industry recovers an average of only one out of three barrels of conventional resources underground and considerably less for the unconventional.

This benchmark, established over the past century, is poised to change upward. Modern science and unfolding technologies will, in all likelihood, double recovery efficiencies. Even a 10% gain in extraction efficiency on a global scale will unlock 1.2 to 1.6 trillion barrels of extra resources -- an additional 50-year supply at current consumption rates.

The impact of modern oil extraction techniques is already evident across the globe. Abqaiq and Ghawar, two of the flagship oil fields of Saudi Arabia, are well on their way to recover at least two out of three barrels underground -- in the process raising recovery expectations for the remainder of the Kingdom's oil assets, which account for one quarter of world reserves.

Are the lessons and successes of Ghawar transferable to the countless struggling fields around the world -- most conspicuously in Venezuela, Mexico, Iran or the former Soviet Union -- where irreversible declines in production are mistakenly accepted as the norm and in fact fuel the "neo-peak-oil" alarmism? The answer is a definitive yes.

Hundred-dollar oil will provide a clear incentive for reinvigorating fields and unlocking extra barrels through the use of new technologies. The consequences for emerging oil-rich regions such as Iraq can be far more rewarding. By 2040 the country's production and reserves might potentially rival those of Saudi Arabia.

Paradoxically, high crude prices may temporarily mask the inefficiencies of others, which may still remain profitable despite continuing to use 1960-vintage production methods. But modernism will inevitably prevail: The national oil companies that hold over 90% of the earth's conventional oil endowment will be pressed to adopt new and better technologies.

- What will be the average rate of crude consumption between now and peak oil? Current daily global consumption stands around 86 million barrels, with projected annual increases ranging from 0% to 2% depending on various economic outlooks. Thus average consumption levels ranging from 90 to 110 million barrels represent a reasonable bracket. Any economic slowdown -- as intimated by the recent tremors in the global equity markets -- will favor the lower end of this spectrum.

This is not to suggest that global supply capacity will grow steadily unimpeded by bottlenecks -- manpower, access, resource nationalism, legacy issues, logistical constraints, etc. -- within the energy equation. However, near-term obstacles do not determine the global supply ceiling at 2030 or 2050. Market forces, given the benefit of time and the burgeoning mobility of technology and innovation across borders, will tame transitional obstacles.

- When will peak oil arrive? This widely accepted tipping point -- 50% of ultimately recoverable resources consumed -- is largely a tribute to King Hubbert, a distinguished Shell geologist who predicted the peak oil point for the U.S. lower 48 states. While his timing was very good (he forecast 1968 versus 1970 in fact), he underestimated peak daily production (9.5 million barrels actual versus eight million estimated).

But modern extraction methods will undoubtedly stretch Hubbert's "50% assumption," which was based on Sputnik-era technologies. Even a modest shift -- to 55% of recoverable resources consumed -- will delay the onset by 20-25 years.

Where do reasonable assumptions surrounding peak oil lead us? My view, subjective and imprecise, points to a period between 2045 and 2067 as the most likely outcome.

Cambridge Energy Associates forecasts the global daily liquids production to rise to 115 million barrels by 2017 versus 86 million at present. Instead of a sharp peak per Hubbert's model, an undulating, multi-decade long plateau production era sets in -- i.e., no sudden-death ending.

The world is not running out of oil anytime soon. A gradual transitioning on the global scale away from a fossil-based energy system may in fact happen during the 21st century. The root causes, however, will most likely have less to do with lack of supplies and far more with superior alternatives. The overused observation that "the Stone Age did not end due to a lack of stones" may in fact find its match.

The solutions to global energy needs require an intelligent integration of environmental, geopolitical and technical perspectives each with its own subsets of complexity. On one of these -- the oil supply component -- the news is positive. Sufficient liquid crude supplies do exist to sustain production rates at or near 100 million barrels per day almost to the end of this century.

Technology matters. The benefits of scientific advancement observable in the production of better mobile phones, TVs and life-extending pharmaceuticals will not, somehow, bypass the extraction of usable oil resources. To argue otherwise distracts from a focused debate on what the correct energy-policy priorities should be, both for the United States and the world community at large.

Mr. Saleri, president and CEO of Quantum Reservoir Impact in Houston, was formerly head of reservoir management for Saudi Aramco.

11th Hour Address

2008-03-07T04:09:00.000-08:00

Hmm... for real?

2008-03-04T04:22:00.001-08:00

Mahathir

2008-03-04T04:04:00.000-08:00

The Family

2008-03-03T12:53:00.000-08:00

Hot fresh from the ovens of Comedy Court

Anwar

2008-03-03T10:04:00.000-08:00

Hasn't lost his touch, has he?

CCTV vs Crime

2008-03-01T22:56:00.000-08:00

This blogger got it right.
http://polytikus.com/2008/03/02/lousy-campaign-promises/

Lousy campaign promises.

From The Sun (no link to their story yesterday unfortunate cos their website on has paper from Mon to Fri) whereby Carol Chew Chee Lin, Barisan Nasional candidate in Seputeh parliamentary seat said:

“I don’t intend to just talk the walk but also walk the talk.”

Really? No shit, sherlock.

“People want to see a better living environment,” said Chew, who intends to bring her Beliawanis to “service the people in Seputeh”.

Ummm, is she going to bring all her Beliawanis members by the truckloads to *gasp* SERVICE the people?

And if I hear any other ‘nak jadi tapi tak jadi’ politicians say that they are going to install CCTVs to combat crime, I swear I will blow my top. CCTV didn’t save Nurin did it? All the CCTVs installed in public places throughout Wangsa Maju all stopped working and guess what, crime is still rampant!

Kampung Tunku candidate from BN Sheah Kok Fah has said it. Former a councillor with the then Petaling Jaya Municipal Council (MPPJ) - I have my reservations on how clean he is. MPPJ is the shits and it has always been. Last thing any constituency needs is a local councillor as their state assemblymen. Double the red tape, double the corruption and double the inaction. His stand to use CCTVs - aku tak sokong.

Chew No Fun has said it too. If you click the link, you can see what she’s doing best - playing the local council’s role. Conclusion, you cannot trust local councillors! If people like Sheah would’ve help fix all the drains in PJ long time ago, we won’t be asking our legislator i.e. Chew to do some lousy drainage work. CCTV to solve natch thefts in PJU? I doubt it will work.

Bottomline is, CCTVs do not prevent crime. They can merely assist the police or victim identify the criminal but that is also subject to how smart the criminal is in wearing a mask etc. If you want to really prevent crime, think like criminals and to figure what factors would act as a deterrent. Trust me it is not very hard to steal a CCTV or break it. Haven’t we watched in MacGyver always uses a mirror to block the view or use a small knife to cut the wired? Or even better, watch the Mission Impossible series and you can learn how to loop the video so it plays the same scene over and over again (well, for an elaborate heist that is).

So what is the best way to solve crime? Give people opportunities for employment, reduce the price of goods by strengthening the economy by plugging leakages and wastage. It’s a national issue and it’s most certainly an economic and social problem. Short term measures - since I believe we should never rely on the police - is to bolster neighbourhood watches by getting the community closer to monitor the area and look out for each other. A thief is happiest if the neighbourhood does not even stir when an alarm goes off. I’ve broken into my own home before, I know. Contracting neighbourhood patrols are not ideal, I strongly believe they can be in cohorts with syndicate robbers. We need to be vigilant and community ties has never been more important than ever.

So for election campaigns - please don’t take the CCTV route in resolving crime. CCTVs require manpower, and if you don’t have people monitoring them or changing the tapes or whatever - it’s absolutely pointless!

I have more to blog but I’m getting my first day off in two weeks. I’m going back to bed.

You have two cows

2008-03-01T19:22:00.000-08:00

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM:
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.

ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM:
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells, the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.
Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows.
No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public buys your bull.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

A FRENCH CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them World-Wide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

A BRITISH CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
Both are mad.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows, but you don’t know where they are.
You break for lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 12 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION:
You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you.
You charge others for storing them.

A HINDU CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You worship them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.

Salutations

2008-03-01T19:17:00.000-08:00

Officer: "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"

Soldier: "Sure, buddy."

Officer: "That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again!"

Officer: "Soldier. Do you have change for a dollar?"

Soldier: "No, SIR!"

Lunar Ecilpse

2008-02-29T18:14:00.000-08:00

Talk about Gas...

2008-02-29T11:30:00.000-08:00

If continue, then maybe I also like this one...

Coz, if not I may end up like this woh

Hmm kali ni nak naik berapa?

Headhunting with a drama

2008-02-29T11:24:00.001-08:00

Uncle Ben's Express Economy Fix

2008-02-29T11:17:00.000-08:00

Nicely put - especially the subtlety, or perhaps not...

Ron Paul vs Ben Bernanke

2008-02-28T16:15:00.000-08:00

After video was shared by Boon - http://tradebursamalaysia.blogspot.com/2008/02/to-von.html

Rojak theme

2008-02-28T04:21:00.000-08:00

Received an email:

hi ,

Sorry . .just want to drop some comment on your new blog:

http://macamrojak.blogspot.com/2008/02/change.html

a) I noticed ur blog have a lot of picture. ..thereofre, it takes me long time to get a full reprt

b) I noticed the design is not so "ok" for look . .is black ..hope u can come out with a good design

c) less investment sharing. . just macam macam sharing at ur blog. .how come like that?

sorry for my opinion.

pls do not take it seriusly. . .

i just share my view. .

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So here my reply:
No need sorry la. Cakap aje
a) Memang manyak the gambar - video summore. Slow to load? I recommend Streamyx 1Mbps. Kalau tak cukup, then upgrade to 2Mbps :P
b) hitam bagus mah, hitam baru nga untuk tengok gambar, tengok video. Imagine if in cinema they dont off the lights :P
c) Siapa cakap ni investment blog? :P Ni kan Rojak blog - namapun dah macamrojak. Blog topic pun Macam-Macam Ada, memang la rojak!!! wakakakakakaa

Eh, mamak, rojak sepinggan... wahahahahaha

Malaysia must be a rich country

2008-02-28T04:20:00.000-08:00

Management Exam

2008-02-27T07:06:00.000-08:00

Note: HIGHLIGHT THE BLANKS FOR ANSWERS

The following short quiz consists of 4 questions and will tell you whether you are qualified to be a professional manager. Scroll down for each answer. The questions are NOT difficult. But don't scroll down UNTIL you have answered the question!

1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?

The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe, and close the door. This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way.

2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?

Did you say, Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant, and close the refrigerator?

Wrong Answer.

Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door. This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your previous actions.

3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend... except one. Which animal does not attend?

Correct Answer: The Elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator. You just put him in there. This tests your memory. Okay, even if you did not answer the first three questions correctly, you still have one more chance to show your true abilities.

4. There is a river you must cross but it is used by crocodiles, and you do not have a boat. How do you manage it?

Correct Answer: You jump into the river and swim across. Have you not been paying attention? All the crocodiles are attending the Animal Meeting. This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes.

Why I would never have a girlfriend

2008-02-27T06:58:00.000-08:00

Originally from:
http://en.nothingisreal.com/wiki/Why_I_Will_Never_Have_a_Girlfriend

Why don't I have a girlfriend?

This is a question that practically every male has asked himself at one point or another in his life. Unfortunately, there is rarely a hard and fast answer to the query. Many men try to reason their way through the dilemma nonetheless, often reaching a series of ridiculous explanations, each more self-deprecating than the last: "Is it because I'm too shy, and not aggressive enough? Is it my opening lines? Am I a boring person? Am I too fat or too thin? Or am I simply ugly and completely unattractive to women?" When all other plausible explanations have been discounted, most fall back on the time-honoured conclusion that "there must be Something Wrong™ with me" before resigning themselves to lives of perpetual chastity.^[2]

Not the author, though. I, for one, refuse to spend my life brooding over my lack of luck with women. While I'll be the first to admit that my chances of ever entering into a meaningful relationship with someone special are practically non-existent, I staunchly refuse to admit that it has anything to do with some inherent problem with me. Instead, I am convinced that the situation can be readily explained in purely scientific terms, using nothing more than demographics and some elementary statistical calculus.

Lest anyone suspect that my standards for women are too high, let me allay those fears by enumerating in advance my three criteria for the match. First, the potential girlfriend must be approximately my age—let's say 21 plus or minus three or four years. Second, the girl must be beautiful (and I use that term all-encompassingly to refer to both inner and outer beauty). Third, she must also be reasonably intelligent—she doesn't have to be Mensa material, but the ability to carry on a witty, insightful argument would be nice. So there they are—three simple demands, which I'm sure everyone will agree are anything but unreasonable.

That said, I now present my demonstration of why the probability of finding a suitable candidate fulfilling the three above-noted requirements is so small as to be practically impossible—in other words, why I will never have a girlfriend. I shall endeavour to make this proof as rigorous as the available data permits. And I should note, too, that there will be no statistical trickery involved here; I have cited all my sources and provided all relevant calculations^[3] in case anyone wishes to conduct their own independent review. Let's now take a look at the figures.

[edit] Number of people on Earth (in 1998): 5 592 830 000^[4]

We start with the largest demographic in which I am interested—namely, the population of this planet. That is not to say I'm against the idea of interstellar romance, of course; I just don't assess the prospect of finding myself a nice Altairian girl as statistically significant. Now anyway, the latest halfway-reliable figures we have for Earth's population come from the United States Census Bureau's 1999 World Population Profile (WP/98). Due presumably to the time involved in compiling and processing census statistics, said report's data is valid only as of 1998, so later on we'll be making some impromptu adjustments to bring the numbers up to date.

[edit] …who are female: 2 941 118 000^[5]

I'd've thought that, given the title of this essay, this criterion goes without saying. In case anyone missed it, though, I am looking for exclusively female companionship. Accordingly, roughly half of the Earth's population must be discounted. Sorry, guys.

[edit] …in "developed" countries: 605 601 000^[5]

We now further restrict the geographical area of interest to so-called "first-world countries". My reasons for doing so are not motivated out of contempt for those who are economically disadvantaged, but rather by simple probability. My chances of meeting a babe from Bhutan or a goddess from Ghana, either in person or on the Internet, are understandably low. In fact, I will most likely spend nearly my entire life living and working in North America, Europe, and Australia, so it is to these types of regions that the numbers have been narrowed.

[edit] …currently (in 2000) aged 18 to 25: 65 399 083^[4]^[5]

Being neither a pedophile nor a geriatrophile, I would like to restrict my search for love to those whose age is approximately equal to my own. This is where things get a bit tricky, for two reasons: first, the census data is nearly two years old, and second, the "population by age" tables in WP/98 are not separated into individual ages but are instead quantized into "15–19" (of whom there are 39 560 000) and "20–44" (population 215 073 000). Women aged 15 to 19 in 1998 will be aged 17 to 21 in 2000; in this group, I'm interested in dating those 18 or older, so, assuming the "15–19" girls' ages are uniformly distributed, we have

Similarly, of 1998's "20–44" category, there are now

females within my chosen age limit. The sum, 66 059 680, represents the total number of females aged 18 to 25 in developed countries in 2000. Unfortunately, roughly 1% of these girls will have died since the census was taken;^[6] thus, the true number of so-far eligible bachelorettes is 65 399 083.

[edit] …who are beautiful: 1 487 838

Personal attraction, both physically and personality-wise, is an important instigator of any relationship. Of course, beauty is a purely subjective trait whose interpretation may vary from person to person. Luckily it is not necessary for me to define beauty in this essay except to state that for any given beholder, it will probably be normally distributed amongst the population.^[7] Without going into the specifics of precisely which traits I admire, I will say that for a girl to be considered really beautiful to me, she should fall at least two standard deviations above the norm. From basic statistics theory, the area to the left of the normal curve at z = 2 is

and so it is this number with which we multiply our current population pool.

[edit] …and intelligent: 236 053

Again, intelligence can mean different things to different people, yet I am once more relieved of making any explanation by noting that it, like most other characteristics, has a notionally normal distribution across the population. Let's assume that I will settle for someone a mere one standard deviation above the normal; in that case, a further

of the population must be discounted.

[edit] …and not already committed: 118 027

I could find no hard statistics on the number of above-noted girls who are already married, engaged, or otherwise committed to a significant other, but informal observation and anecdotal evidence leads me to believe that the proportion is somewhere around 50%. (Fellow unattached males will no doubt have also noticed a preponderance of girls legitimately offering, "Sorry, I already have a boyfriend" as an excuse not to go on a date.) For reasons of morality (and perhaps too self-preservation), I'm not about to start hitting on girls who have husbands and boyfriends. Accordingly, that portion of the female population must also be considered off-limits.

[edit] …and also might like me: 18 726

Naturally, finding a suitable girl who I really like is no guarantee that she'll like me back. Assuming, as previously mentioned, that personal attractiveness is normally distributed, there is a mere 50% chance that any given female will consider me even marginally attractive. In practice, however, people are unlikely to consider pursuing a relationship with someone whose looks and personality just barely suffice. Let's make the rather conservative assumption, then, that a girl would go out with someone if and only if they were at least one standard deviation above her idea of average. In that case, referring to our previous calculation, only 15.8655% of females would consider someone with my physical characteristics and personality acceptable as a potential romantic partner.

[edit] Conclusion

It is here, at a pool of 18 726 acceptable females, that we end our statistical analysis. At first glance, a datable population of 18 726 may not seem like such a low number, but consider this: assuming I were to go on a blind date with a new girl about my age every week, I would have to date for 3493 weeks before I found one of the 18 726. That's very nearly 67 years. As a North American male born in the late 1970s, my life expectancy is probably little more than 70 years, so we can safely say that I will be quite dead before I find the proverbial girl of my dreams. Come to think of it, she'll probably be dead too.

So there you have it, my friends—finally, a cogent, scientific, non-self-deprecating argument for why I will never have a girlfriend. That said, if you happen to be a girl deluded enough to think that you and I have a chance together, feel free to drop me a line, but I warn you, you face odds of 157 060 to 1. I wouldn't bother if I were you.

Update (2000-04-01): My sarcastic pleas for some e-mail have finally been answered. Take a look at this letter from a hysterical female reader, which I think perfectly demonstrates the point of this entire essay. (I think the fact that she's a WebTV user explains a lot—in fact, I was sure this e-mail was an April Fool's joke until I noticed the return address.)

[edit] Endnotes and references

↑ This paper was written when the author was at Griffith University, Australia.
↑ After a short period of brooding, of course, these males will eventually come to the realization that the real reason they were never able to get a girlfriend is that they were too discriminating with their attentions. They will consequently return to the dating scene, entering a sequence of blasé relationships with mediocre girls for whom they don't really care, until they finally marry one out of fear of spending the rest of their lives alone. I am convinced that this behaviour is the real reason for today's alarmingly high divorce rate.
↑ Due to rounding, figures cited may not add up exactly.
↑ ^4.0 ^4.1 U.S. Bureau of the Census, Report WP/98, World Population Profile: 1998, Table A-3. Washington, DC: U.S. Government Printing Office, 1999.
↑ ^5.0 ^5.1 ^5.2 U.S. Bureau of the Census, Report WP/98, World Population Profile: 1998, Table A-7. Washington, DC: U.S. Government Printing Office, 1999.
↑ WP/98 gives the annual death rate for developed countries as 10 per 1000, but does not list death rates per age group. Presumably, the death rate graphs as a bathtub curve, but in absence of any numbers supporting this hypothesis, and for the sake of simplicity, I will conservatively estimate the death rate among this age group to be 1% biennially.
↑ Despite my efforts to research the matter, I could find no data on the distribution of beauty, either outer or inner, amongst the population. Perhaps attractiveness, being a largely subjective trait, does not lend itself to quantification. It is not unreasonable, however, to assume that like most other traits, it has a normal distribution. Indeed, this assumption seems to be backed up by informal observation and judgment—in any reasonably large group of people, most of them will be average-looking, and a tiny minority either exceedingly beautiful or exceedingly ugly.

Computer Enhancers

2008-02-27T06:52:00.000-08:00

Don't call me

2008-02-27T06:38:00.000-08:00

Office Prank

2008-02-27T05:59:00.000-08:00

Dont even think about it

2008-02-27T05:30:00.001-08:00

Shut off your phone in the cinema

Massage, anyone?

2008-02-27T04:29:00.001-08:00

Count me out though :P

Get ready for April Fools'

2008-02-27T04:22:00.000-08:00

Fear of bombs on planes

2008-02-27T01:45:00.001-08:00

Aunt Bessie loved to visit her nieces and nephews. However, she had relatives all over the country.

The problem was that no matter how much she enjoyed seeing them, she hated flying. No matter how safe people told her it was, she was always worried that someone would have a bomb on the plane.

She read books about how safe it was and listened to the stewardess demonstrate all the safety features. But she still worried herself silly every time a visit was coming up.

Finally, the family decided that maybe if she saw the statistics she'd be convinced. So they sent her to a friend of the family who was an actuary.

"Tell me," she said suspiciously, "what are the chances that someone will have a bomb on a plane?"

The actuary looked through his tables and said, "A very small chance. Maybe one in five hundred thousand."

She nodded, then thought for a moment. "So what are the odds of two people having a bomb on the same plane?"

Again he went through his tables.

"Extremely remote," he said. "About one in a billion."

Aunt Bessie nodded and left his office.

And from that day on, every time she flew, she took a bomb with her.

Air Force One Crashed!!!

2008-02-27T01:42:00.000-08:00

Air Force One crashed in the middle of rural America. Panic stricken the Secret Service mobilized and descended on the farm in force. When they got there, the wreckage was clear. The aircraft was totally destroyed with only a burned hulk left smoldering in a tree line that bordered a farm. Secret Service descended upon the smoking hulk but could find no remains of the crew or the President's staff. To their amazement, a lone farmer was plowing a field not too far away as if nothing at all happened. They hurried over to surround the man's tractor.

"Sir," the senior Secret Service agent asked, panting and out of breath.

"Did you see this terrible accident happen?"

"Yep. Sure did." The man muttered unconcernedly.

"Do you realize that is the President of the United States airplane?"

"Yep."

"Were there any survivors?" the agent gasped.

"Nope. They's all kilt straight out." The farmer sighed cutting off his tractor motor. "I done buried them all myself. Took most of the morning."

"The President of the United States is dead?" The agent gulped in disbelief.

"Well," the farmer sighed, obviously wanting to get back to his work. "He kept a-saying he wasn't ... but you know what a liar he is."

USD1,000,000 Ball Pen

2008-02-27T00:31:00.000-08:00

During the heat of the space race in the 1960's, the U.S. National Aeronautics and Space Administration decided it needed a ball point pen to write in the zero gravity confines of its space capsules. After considerable research and development, the Astronaut Pen was developed at a cost of $1 million U.S. The pen worked and also enjoyed some modest success as a novelty item back here on earth.

The Soviet Union, faced with the same problem, used a pencil.

Improve at work

2008-02-27T00:30:00.001-08:00

How to improve at work

Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%?

We have all been to those meetings where someone wants over 100%.

How about achieving 103%? Here’s a little math that might prove helpful.

What makes life 100%?

If

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then,
H A R D W O R K
8 1 18 4 23 15 18 11 = 98%

K N O W L E D G E
11 14 15 23 12 5 4 7 5 = 96%

But,
A T T I T U D E
1 20 20 9 20 21 4 5 = 100%

And,
B U L L S H I T
2 21 12 12 19 8 9 20 = 103%

So, it stands to reason that hardwork and knowledge will get you close, attitude will get you there, but bullshit will put you over the top.

And look how far this will take you......

A S S K I S S I N G
1 19 19 11 9 19 19 9 14 7 = 118%

Think about it...and have a nice day at work

Kids..

2008-02-27T00:22:00.000-08:00

Accountant

2008-02-27T00:18:00.000-08:00

Fresh out of business school, the young man answered a want ad for an accountant. Now he was being interviewed by a very nervous man who ran a small business that he had started himself.
"I need someone with an accounting degree," the man said. "But mainly, I'm looking for someone to do my worrying for me."

"Excuse me?" the accountant said.

"I worry about a lot of things," the man said. "But I don't want to have to worry about money. Your job will be to take all the money worries off my back."

"I see," the accountant said. "And how much does the job pay?"

"I'll start you at eighty thousand."

"Eighty thousand dollars!" the accountant exclaimed. "How can such a small business afford a sum like that?"

"That," the owner said, "is your first worry."

Bomb Technician

2008-02-27T00:11:00.000-08:00

British Hospitability

2008-02-27T00:09:00.000-08:00

An American tourist in London decides to skip his tour group and explore the city on his own.

He wanders around, seeing the sights, and occasionally stopping at a quaint pub to soak up the local culture, chat with the lads, and have a pint of Guinness.

After a while, he finds himself in a very high class neighborhood - big, stately residences - no pubs, no stores, no restaurants, and worst of all... NO PUBLIC RESTROOMS.

He really, really has to go, after all those Guinness’s.

He finds a narrow side street, with high walls surrounding the adjacent buildings and decides to use the wall to solve his problem.

As he is unzipping, he is tapped on the shoulder by a London Bobbie, who says, "I say, sir, you simply cannot do that here, you know."

"I’m very sorry, officer," replies the American, "but I really, really HAVE TO GO, and I just can’t find a public restroom."

"Ah, yes," said the Bobbie "Just follow me." He leads him to a back "delivery alley," then along a wall to a gate, which he opens. "In there," points the Bobbie. "Whiz away... anywhere you want."

The fellow enters and finds himself in the most beautiful garden he has ever seen.

Manicured grass lawns, statuary, fountains, sculptured hedges, and huge beds of gorgeous flowers, all in perfect bloom.

Since he has the cop’s blessing, he zips down and unburdens himself and is greatly relieved.

As he goes back thru the gate, he says to the Bobbie, "That was really decent of you - is that "British Hospitality?"

"No," replied the Bobbie, with a satisfied smile on his face, "that is the French Embassy."

The Great Writer

2008-02-27T00:04:00.000-08:00

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.

When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"

He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.

Jobs

2008-02-27T00:03:00.001-08:00

My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned, I couldn't concentrate.

Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe.

After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn't suited for it. Mainly because it was a so-so job.

Next I tried working in a muffler factory but that was exhausting.

I wanted to be a barber, but I just couldn't cut it.

Then I tried to be a chef--figured it would add a little spice to my life but I just didn't have the thyme.

Finally, I attempted to be a deli worker, but any way I sliced it, I couldn't cut the mustard.

My best job was being a musician, but eventually I found I wasn't noteworthy.

I studied a long time to become a doctor, but I didn't have any patients.

Next was a job in a shoe factory; I tried but I just didn't fit in.

I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I couldn't live on my net income.

Thought about becoming a witch, so I tried that for a spell.

I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company, but the work was just too draining.

I got a job at a zoo feeding giraffes but I was fired because I wasn't up to it.

So then I got a job in a gymnasium (work-out-center), but they said I wasn't fit for the job.

Next, I found being an electrician interesting, but the work was shocking.

After many years of trying to find steady work I finally got a job as a historian until I realized there was no future in it.

My last job was working at Starbucks, but I had to quit because it was always the same old grind.

12 Days of Christmas

2008-02-27T00:01:00.000-08:00

Dearest John,
I went to the door today and the postman had delivered a Partridge in a Pear Tree. What a thoroughly delighted gift! I couldn’t have been more surprised.
- With deepest love and affection, Aberdine

Dearest John,
Today the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine- two Turtle Doves! I’m delighted at your very thoughtful gift. They are just adorable. You big silly, what next?
- All my love, Aberdine

Dearest John,
Aren’t you the extravagant one! Now I really must protest. I don’t deserve such generosity - 3 French Hens! They are just darling, but I must insist, you have been too kind.
- Love, Aberdine

Dear John,
Today the postman delivered 4 Calling Birds. Now really, they are beautiful, but don’t you think enough is enough? You’re being too romantic.
- Affectionately, Aberdine

Dear John,
What a surprise! Today the postman delivered 5 Golden Rings; 1 for every finger! You’re just impossible, but I love it. Frankly, all those birds squawking were beginning to get on my nerves.
- All My love, Aberdine

Dear John,
When I opened the door there were actually 6 Geese a-laying on my front steps. So you’re back to the birds again, eh? Those geese are huge! Where will I ever keep them? The neighbors are starting to complain, and I can’t sleep through the racket. Please stop.
- Cordially, Aberdine

John,
What’s with you and those F---ing birds? 7 Swans a-swimming? What kind of goddamn joke is this? There’s bird shit all over the house and they never shut up. I can’t get to sleep at night, and I’m a nervous wreck. It’s not funny! Stop with those F---ing birds already.
- Sincerely, Aberdine

Okay buster, I think I prefer the birds. What the hell am I to do with 8 maids-a-Milking? It’s not enough, but they had to bring their goddamn cows! There’s manure all over the lawn, and I can’t move in my own house. What are you doing to me? Just lay off, smart-ass!
- Aberdine

Hey shithead: What are you? Some kind of sadist? Now there’s 9 pipers piping, and Christ do they play. They haven’t stopped chasing those 8 maids since they got here yesterday morning. The cows are getting upset and they’re stepping all over those screeching birds. What am I to do? The neighbors have started a petition to have me evicted. You’ll get yours...
- Aberdine

You rotten prick! Now there are 10 ladies dancing. I don’t why I call those sluts ladies. They’ve been at it all night, along with those frigging pipers! Now the cows can’t sleep, and they’ve got diarrhea. My living room is a river of shit. The commissioner of buildings has subpoenaed me to give cause why the building shouldn’t be condemned. I am going to ask to ask the police to intervene. One who means it.
- Venomously, Aberdine

Listen F---head: What’s with the 11 lords a-leaping all over those maids and ladies? Some of those broads will never walk again! Those pipers have run through the maids and are committing bestiality with the cows. All 23 of the birds are dead! They’ve been trampled to death in the orgy. I hope you’re satisfied you rotten, vicious, swine.
- Your sworn enemy, Aberdine

Dear Sir:
This is to acknowledge your latest gift of 12 fiddlers fiddling, which you have seen fit to inflict on our client, Aberdine. The destruction of course, was total. All correspondence should come to our attention. If you should attempt to reach Aberdine at the Happy Valley Sanitarium, the attendants have instructions to shoot you on sight. With this letter, please find attached a warrant for your arrest.
Sincerely,
Badger, Bender, Cajole - Attorneys at Law

Confessions

2008-02-26T23:59:00.001-08:00

Once, there was a man who was so upset by his past deeds that he decided to visit a church and confess all of his sins. When he arrived at the church, he walked to the confession area and spoke to the pastor.

"Father, I am sinful."

"Yes, son, just tell me what have you done, the Lord will forgive you."

"Father, I have a steady relationship with my girlfriend, it’s been 3 years and nothing serious ever happened between us. Yesterday, I visited her house, nobody was at home except for her sister. We were alone and I slept with her."

"That’s bad my boy, fortunately you realize your mistake."

"Father, last week I went to my grilfriend’s office to look for her, but nobody was around except for one of her colleagues, so I slept with her too."

"That’s not very good of you."

"Father, last month, I went to her uncle’s house to look for her, nobody was around except for her auntie, and I slept with her too."

"Father?......... Father?"

Suddenly this guy realized that there was no response from the Father, he walked over and discovered that the Pastor was not there. So he began searching for him.

"Father? Where are you?"

He searched high and low, and finally he found him hiding under the table behind the piano.

"Father, why are you hiding here?"

"Sorry son, suddenly I remembered there is nobody around here except me."

Do NOT Misspell Google

2008-02-26T23:56:00.000-08:00

Goggle? Oooppss...

Condom Brand Names

2008-02-26T23:51:00.000-08:00

Nike Condoms: Just do it.

Toyota Condoms: Oh what a feeling.

Diet Pepsi Condoms: You got the right one, baby.

Pringles Condoms: Once you pop, you can't stop.

Mentos Condoms: The freshmaker.

Flinstones Vitamins Condom Pack: Ten million strong and growing.

Secret Condoms: Strong enough for a man, but ph balanced for a woman.

Macintosh Condoms: It does more, it costs less, it's that simple.

Ford Condoms: The best never rest.

Chevy Condoms: Like a Rock.

Dial Condoms: Aren't you glad you use it? Don't you wish everybody did?

New York Lotto Condoms: Cause hey -- you never know.

Avis Condoms: Trying harder than ever.

EverReady Condoms: Keep going and going...

KFC Condoms: Finger-Licking Good.

Coca Cola Condoms: Always the Real Thing.

Lays Condom: Betcha can't have just one.

Vatican Debate

2008-02-26T23:50:00.001-08:00

Several centuries ago, the Pope decided that all the Jews had to leave the Vatican. Naturally there was a big uproar from the Jewish community. So the Pope made a deal. He would have a religious debate with a member of the Jewish community. If the Jew won, the Jews could stay. If the Pope won, the Jews would leave. The Jews realized that they had no choice. So they picked an elderly aged man named Moishe to represent them. Rabbi Moishe’s Latin wasn’t very good - in fact, he knew very little--but he was a man of great faith and well respected in the Jewish community. The pope agreed. What could be easier than a silent debate?

The day of the great debate came. Moishe and the Pope sat opposite each other for a full minute before the Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers. Moishe looked back at him and raised one finger. The Pope waved his fingers in a circle around his head. Moishe pointed to the ground where he sat. The Pope pulled out a wafer and a glass of wine. Moishe pulled out an apple. The Pope stood up and said, "I give up. This man is too good. The Jews can stay."

An hour later, the cardinals were all around the Pope asking him what happened. The Pope said: "First I held up three fingers to represent the Trinity. He responded by holding up one finger to remind me that there was still one God common to both our religions. Then I waved my finger around me to show him that God was all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground and showing that God was also right here with us. I pulled out the wine and the wafer to show that God absolves us from our sins. He pulled out an apple to remind me of original sin. He had an answer for everything. What could I do?"

Meanwhile, the Jewish community had crowded around Moishe. "What happened?" they asked. "Well," said Moishe, "First he said to me that the Jews had three days to get out of here. I told him that not one of us was leaving. Then he told me that this whole city would be cleared of Jews. I let him know that we were staying right here." "And then?" asked a woman. "I don’t know," said Moishe. "He took out his lunch and I took out mine."

Silver Gravy Ladle

2008-02-26T23:48:00.001-08:00

Ben invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn't help noticing how beautiful Ben's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between Ben and his roommate and this only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Ben and the roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, Ben volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Allison and I are just roommates."

About a week later, Allison came to Ben and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. "You don't suppose she took it, do you?"

Ben said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure."

So he sat down and wrote: "Dear Mother, I'm not saying you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you 'did not' take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner."

Several days later, Ben received a letter from his mother which read:

"Dear Son, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Allison, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Allison. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now. Love, Mom"

Some fish

2008-02-26T23:46:00.001-08:00

One day, a priest decides to take a walk to the pier near his church. He looks around and finally stops to watch a fisherman load his boat. The fisherman notices, and asks the priest if he would like to join him for a couple of hours. The priest agrees. The fisherman asks if the priest has ever fished before; the priest says no. He baits the hook for him and says, "Give it a shot, father."
After a few minutes, the priest hooks a big fish and struggles to get it in the boat. The fisherman says, "Whoa, what a big sonofabitch!"

The priest says, "Ah, please sir, can you mind your language?"

The fisherman responds (thinking quickly), "I’m sorry father, but that’s what this fish is called---a sonofabitch!"

"Oh, I’m sorry," says the priest. "I didn’t know."

After the trip, the priest brings the fish to the church and spots the bishop. "Eminence, look at this big sonofabitch!"

"Please father," says the bishop. "Mind your language, this is a house of God."

"No, you don’t understand," says the priest. "That’s what this fish is called, and I caught it. I caught this sonofabitch!"

"Hmmm," says the bishop. "You know, I could clean this sonofabitch and we could have it for dinner."

So the bishop takes the fish and cleans it, and brings it to Mother Superior at the convent.

"Mother Superior, could you cook this sonofabitch for our dinner tonight with the Pope?"

"My lord, what language!" says the mother.

"No, sister," says the bishop. "That’s what the fish is called---a sonofabitch! Father caught it, I cleaned it, and we’d like you to cook it"

"Hmmm," replies Mother Superior. "Yes, I’ll cook that sonofabitch tonight."

While the Pope is over for dinner that evening he remarks that the fish is superb. He asks where they got it.

"I caught the sonofabitch!" says the priest.

"And I cleaned the sonofabitch!" says the bishop.

"And I cooked the sonofabitch!" says Mother Superior.

The Pope stares at them for a minute with a steely gaze, but then takes off his hat, puts his feet up on the table, and says, "You know, you fuckers are all right.".

Job Application

2008-02-26T23:22:00.000-08:00

This is an actual job application submitted to a fast- food restaurant:

NAME: Greg B

DESIRED POSITION: Reclining. Ha ha. But seriously, whatever’s available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn’t be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that’s not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle-management hostility.

SALARY: Less than I’m worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It was lousy.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they’re better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be, "Do you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?:
I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearinghouse Sweepstakes.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in Bimini with a fabulously wealthy supermodel who thinks I’m the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I’d like to be doing that now.

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: No, but I dare you to prove otherwise.

SIGN HERE: Scorpio with Libra rising.

Time off

2008-02-26T23:20:00.000-08:00

Two bone weary public servants were working their little hearts and souls out. Their department was just too busy for staff to be able take flex. But there had to be a way...
One of the two public servants suddenly lifted his head. "I know how to get some time off work" the man whispered.

"How?" asked the second worker.

Instead of answering, the man quickly looked around. No sign of his Director. He jumped up on his desk, kicked out a couple of ceiling tiles and hoisted himself up. "Look!" he hissed, then swinging his legs over a metal pipe, hung upside down.

Within seconds, the Director emerged from the Branch Head’s office at the far end of the floor. He saw the worker hanging from the ceiling, and asked him what on earth he thought he was doing.

"I’m a light bulb" answered the public servant.

"I think you need some time off," barked the Director. "Get out of here - that’s an order - and I don’t want to see you back here for at least another two days! You understand me?"

"Yes sir", the public servant answered meekly, then jumped down, logged off his computer and left.

The second worker was hot on his heels.

"Where do you think you’re going?" the boss asked.

"Home," he said lightly. "I can’t work in the dark."

Murder Trial

2008-02-26T23:19:00.001-08:00

A guy was on trial for murder and if convicted, would get the electric chair. His brother found out that a red neck was on the jury and figured he would be the one to bribe. He told the red neck that he would be paid $10,000 if he could convince the rest of the jury to reduce the charge to manslaughter.
The jury was out an entire week and returned with a verdict of manslaughter.

After the trial, the brother went to the red neck’s house, told him what a great job he had done and paid him the $10,000.

The red neck replied that it wasn’t easy to convince the rest of the jury to change the charge to manslaughter. They all thought he was not guilty and, wanted to let him go.

Macam Macam Ada

Xuan Ze

Drag and Drop World

Automatic Email Reply

Quality Time

Msian Politics - Motivational Posters

BUUUUURRRRNING HOT

Malaysian Politics Motivational Posters

Europe vs Italy

Light Beer

Personal Integrity

Songs Re-engineered

Watch Your Life

Comfort Pillow 18SX

Prisoners vs Employees!!!

Last Request

Subliminal Messaging

The IPod Human

Mind Geek

How to be Ninja

T Shirts for Sale

Little Card

Roofball

Sufiah Yusof

Lying bastard

Cheques

Go West

Viral Politician Video

Try this at your office!!!

The village that built a huge business empire

Asta La Vista, babe!

Taxi driver

Drunk driver

War Insurance

Get smarter by drinking

Football Training Session

Beer helps

Road Sign

In Support of Earth Hour

Si Gong

My Cubicle

Your song about my client - Delilah

All food comes from India

FBI

FOC Lesson

Remote Control

Three Generals

Street Fighter: The Later Years

Music, please

Hairdresser

romPAK LAH

Setem YB

Ubah Gaya Hidup

Wake up and feed me

Wake up!!!

Karma?

Little Nancy's Pet

GOODBYE SAM!

Jeff Ooi - Han Chiang, Penang

Peak Oil - A Myth

11th Hour Address

Hmm... for real?

Mahathir

The Family

Anwar

CCTV vs Crime

Lousy campaign promises.

You have two cows

Salutations

Lunar Ecilpse

Talk about Gas...

Headhunting with a drama

Uncle Ben's Express Economy Fix

Ron Paul vs Ben Bernanke

Rojak theme

Malaysia must be a rich country

Management Exam

Why I would never have a girlfriend

Why don't I have a girlfriend?

[edit] Number of people on Earth (in 1998): 5 592 830 000[4]

[edit] Number of people on Earth (in 1998): 5 592 830 000^[4]

[edit] …who are female: 2 941 118 000^[5]

[edit] …in "developed" countries: 605 601 000^[5]

[edit] …currently (in 2000) aged 18 to 25: 65 399 083^[4]^[5]