Friday, February 29, 2008

Lunar Ecilpse

Talk about Gas...

If continue, then maybe I also like this one...


Coz, if not I may end up like this woh


Hmm kali ni nak naik berapa?

Headhunting with a drama

Uncle Ben's Express Economy Fix

Nicely put - especially the subtlety, or perhaps not...

Thursday, February 28, 2008

Ron Paul vs Ben Bernanke



After video was shared by Boon - http://tradebursamalaysia.blogspot.com/2008/02/to-von.html

Rojak theme

Received an email:

hi ,
Sorry . .just want to drop some comment on your new blog:
a) I noticed ur blog have a lot of picture. ..thereofre, it takes me long time to get a full reprt
b) I noticed the design is not so "ok" for look . .is black ..hope u can come out with a good design
c) less investment sharing. . just macam macam sharing at ur blog. .how come like that?
sorry for my opinion.
pls do not take it seriusly. . .
i just share my view. .


-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So here my reply:
No need sorry la. Cakap aje
a) Memang manyak the gambar - video summore. Slow to load? I recommend Streamyx 1Mbps. Kalau tak cukup, then upgrade to 2Mbps :P
b) hitam bagus mah, hitam baru nga untuk tengok gambar, tengok video. Imagine if in cinema they dont off the lights :P
c) Siapa cakap ni investment blog? :P Ni kan Rojak blog - namapun dah macamrojak. Blog topic pun Macam-Macam Ada, memang la rojak!!! wakakakakakaa

Eh, mamak, rojak sepinggan... wahahahahaha

Malaysia must be a rich country

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Management Exam

Note: HIGHLIGHT THE BLANKS FOR ANSWERS

The following short quiz consists of 4 questions and will tell you whether you are qualified to be a professional manager. Scroll down for each answer. The questions are NOT difficult. But don't scroll down UNTIL you have answered the question!

1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?

The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe, and close the door. This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way.


2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?

Did you say, Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant, and close the refrigerator?

Wrong Answer.


Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door. This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your previous actions.

3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend... except one. Which animal does not attend?

Correct Answer: The Elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator. You just put him in there. This tests your memory. Okay, even if you did not answer the first three questions correctly, you still have one more chance to show your true abilities.

4. There is a river you must cross but it is used by crocodiles, and you do not have a boat. How do you manage it?


Correct Answer: You jump into the river and swim across. Have you not been paying attention? All the crocodiles are attending the Animal Meeting. This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes.

Why I would never have a girlfriend



Originally from:
http://en.nothingisreal.com/wiki/Why_I_Will_Never_Have_a_Girlfriend

Why don't I have a girlfriend?

This is a question that practically every male has asked himself at one point or another in his life. Unfortunately, there is rarely a hard and fast answer to the query. Many men try to reason their way through the dilemma nonetheless, often reaching a series of ridiculous explanations, each more self-deprecating than the last: "Is it because I'm too shy, and not aggressive enough? Is it my opening lines? Am I a boring person? Am I too fat or too thin? Or am I simply ugly and completely unattractive to women?" When all other plausible explanations have been discounted, most fall back on the time-honoured conclusion that "there must be Something Wrong™ with me" before resigning themselves to lives of perpetual chastity.[2]

Not the author, though. I, for one, refuse to spend my life brooding over my lack of luck with women. While I'll be the first to admit that my chances of ever entering into a meaningful relationship with someone special are practically non-existent, I staunchly refuse to admit that it has anything to do with some inherent problem with me. Instead, I am convinced that the situation can be readily explained in purely scientific terms, using nothing more than demographics and some elementary statistical calculus.

Lest anyone suspect that my standards for women are too high, let me allay those fears by enumerating in advance my three criteria for the match. First, the potential girlfriend must be approximately my age—let's say 21 plus or minus three or four years. Second, the girl must be beautiful (and I use that term all-encompassingly to refer to both inner and outer beauty). Third, she must also be reasonably intelligent—she doesn't have to be Mensa material, but the ability to carry on a witty, insightful argument would be nice. So there they are—three simple demands, which I'm sure everyone will agree are anything but unreasonable.

That said, I now present my demonstration of why the probability of finding a suitable candidate fulfilling the three above-noted requirements is so small as to be practically impossible—in other words, why I will never have a girlfriend. I shall endeavour to make this proof as rigorous as the available data permits. And I should note, too, that there will be no statistical trickery involved here; I have cited all my sources and provided all relevant calculations[3] in case anyone wishes to conduct their own independent review. Let's now take a look at the figures.

[edit] Number of people on Earth (in 1998): 5 592 830 000[4]

We start with the largest demographic in which I am interested—namely, the population of this planet. That is not to say I'm against the idea of interstellar romance, of course; I just don't assess the prospect of finding myself a nice Altairian girl as statistically significant. Now anyway, the latest halfway-reliable figures we have for Earth's population come from the United States Census Bureau's 1999 World Population Profile (WP/98). Due presumably to the time involved in compiling and processing census statistics, said report's data is valid only as of 1998, so later on we'll be making some impromptu adjustments to bring the numbers up to date.

[edit] …who are female: 2 941 118 000[5]

I'd've thought that, given the title of this essay, this criterion goes without saying. In case anyone missed it, though, I am looking for exclusively female companionship. Accordingly, roughly half of the Earth's population must be discounted. Sorry, guys.

[edit] …in "developed" countries: 605 601 000[5]

We now further restrict the geographical area of interest to so-called "first-world countries". My reasons for doing so are not motivated out of contempt for those who are economically disadvantaged, but rather by simple probability. My chances of meeting a babe from Bhutan or a goddess from Ghana, either in person or on the Internet, are understandably low. In fact, I will most likely spend nearly my entire life living and working in North America, Europe, and Australia, so it is to these types of regions that the numbers have been narrowed.

[edit] …currently (in 2000) aged 18 to 25: 65 399 083[4][5]

Being neither a pedophile nor a geriatrophile, I would like to restrict my search for love to those whose age is approximately equal to my own. This is where things get a bit tricky, for two reasons: first, the census data is nearly two years old, and second, the "population by age" tables in WP/98 are not separated into individual ages but are instead quantized into "15–19" (of whom there are 39 560 000) and "20–44" (population 215 073 000). Women aged 15 to 19 in 1998 will be aged 17 to 21 in 2000; in this group, I'm interested in dating those 18 or older, so, assuming the "15–19" girls' ages are uniformly distributed, we have

39\,560\,000 \times \frac{\left| 21 - 18 \right| + 1}{\left| 19 - 15   \right| + 1} = 31\,648\,000.

Similarly, of 1998's "20–44" category, there are now

215\,073\,000 \times \frac{\left| 25 - 22 \right| + 1}{\left| 44 - 20   \right| + 1} = 34\,411\,680

females within my chosen age limit. The sum, 66 059 680, represents the total number of females aged 18 to 25 in developed countries in 2000. Unfortunately, roughly 1% of these girls will have died since the census was taken;[6] thus, the true number of so-far eligible bachelorettes is 65 399 083.

[edit] …who are beautiful: 1 487 838

Personal attraction, both physically and personality-wise, is an important instigator of any relationship. Of course, beauty is a purely subjective trait whose interpretation may vary from person to person. Luckily it is not necessary for me to define beauty in this essay except to state that for any given beholder, it will probably be normally distributed amongst the population.[7] Without going into the specifics of precisely which traits I admire, I will say that for a girl to be considered really beautiful to me, she should fall at least two standard deviations above the norm. From basic statistics theory, the area to the left of the normal curve at z = 2 is

\frac{1}{2} - \frac{1}{\sqrt{2 \pi}} \cdot \int_{0}^{2} e^{-\frac{1}{2}z^2} dz~\approx~0.022\,75

and so it is this number with which we multiply our current population pool.

[edit] …and intelligent: 236 053

Again, intelligence can mean different things to different people, yet I am once more relieved of making any explanation by noting that it, like most other characteristics, has a notionally normal distribution across the population. Let's assume that I will settle for someone a mere one standard deviation above the normal; in that case, a further

\frac{1}{2} + \frac{1}{\sqrt{2 \pi}} \cdot \int_{0}^{1} e^{-\frac{1}{2}z^2} dz~\approx~84.1345\%

of the population must be discounted.

[edit] …and not already committed: 118 027

I could find no hard statistics on the number of above-noted girls who are already married, engaged, or otherwise committed to a significant other, but informal observation and anecdotal evidence leads me to believe that the proportion is somewhere around 50%. (Fellow unattached males will no doubt have also noticed a preponderance of girls legitimately offering, "Sorry, I already have a boyfriend" as an excuse not to go on a date.) For reasons of morality (and perhaps too self-preservation), I'm not about to start hitting on girls who have husbands and boyfriends. Accordingly, that portion of the female population must also be considered off-limits.

[edit] …and also might like me: 18 726

Naturally, finding a suitable girl who I really like is no guarantee that she'll like me back. Assuming, as previously mentioned, that personal attractiveness is normally distributed, there is a mere 50% chance that any given female will consider me even marginally attractive. In practice, however, people are unlikely to consider pursuing a relationship with someone whose looks and personality just barely suffice. Let's make the rather conservative assumption, then, that a girl would go out with someone if and only if they were at least one standard deviation above her idea of average. In that case, referring to our previous calculation, only 15.8655% of females would consider someone with my physical characteristics and personality acceptable as a potential romantic partner.

[edit] Conclusion

It is here, at a pool of 18 726 acceptable females, that we end our statistical analysis. At first glance, a datable population of 18 726 may not seem like such a low number, but consider this: assuming I were to go on a blind date with a new girl about my age every week, I would have to date for 3493 weeks before I found one of the 18 726. That's very nearly 67 years. As a North American male born in the late 1970s, my life expectancy is probably little more than 70 years, so we can safely say that I will be quite dead before I find the proverbial girl of my dreams. Come to think of it, she'll probably be dead too.


So there you have it, my friends—finally, a cogent, scientific, non-self-deprecating argument for why I will never have a girlfriend. That said, if you happen to be a girl deluded enough to think that you and I have a chance together, feel free to drop me a line, but I warn you, you face odds of 157 060 to 1. I wouldn't bother if I were you.
Update (2000-04-01): My sarcastic pleas for some e-mail have finally been answered. Take a look at this letter from a hysterical female reader, which I think perfectly demonstrates the point of this entire essay. (I think the fact that she's a WebTV user explains a lot—in fact, I was sure this e-mail was an April Fool's joke until I noticed the return address.)

[edit] Endnotes and references

  1. This paper was written when the author was at Griffith University, Australia.
  2. After a short period of brooding, of course, these males will eventually come to the realization that the real reason they were never able to get a girlfriend is that they were too discriminating with their attentions. They will consequently return to the dating scene, entering a sequence of blasé relationships with mediocre girls for whom they don't really care, until they finally marry one out of fear of spending the rest of their lives alone. I am convinced that this behaviour is the real reason for today's alarmingly high divorce rate.
  3. Due to rounding, figures cited may not add up exactly.
  4. 4.0 4.1 U.S. Bureau of the Census, Report WP/98, World Population Profile: 1998, Table A-3. Washington, DC: U.S. Government Printing Office, 1999.
  5. 5.0 5.1 5.2 U.S. Bureau of the Census, Report WP/98, World Population Profile: 1998, Table A-7. Washington, DC: U.S. Government Printing Office, 1999.
  6. WP/98 gives the annual death rate for developed countries as 10 per 1000, but does not list death rates per age group. Presumably, the death rate graphs as a bathtub curve, but in absence of any numbers supporting this hypothesis, and for the sake of simplicity, I will conservatively estimate the death rate among this age group to be 1% biennially.
  7. Despite my efforts to research the matter, I could find no data on the distribution of beauty, either outer or inner, amongst the population. Perhaps attractiveness, being a largely subjective trait, does not lend itself to quantification. It is not unreasonable, however, to assume that like most other traits, it has a normal distribution. Indeed, this assumption seems to be backed up by informal observation and judgment—in any reasonably large group of people, most of them will be average-looking, and a tiny minority either exceedingly beautiful or exceedingly ugly.

Computer Enhancers












Don't call me

Office Prank

Dont even think about it

Shut off your phone in the cinema

Massage, anyone?

Count me out though :P

Get ready for April Fools'

Fear of bombs on planes


Aunt Bessie loved to visit her nieces and nephews. However, she had relatives all over the country.

The problem was that no matter how much she enjoyed seeing them, she hated flying. No matter how safe people told her it was, she was always worried that someone would have a bomb on the plane.

She read books about how safe it was and listened to the stewardess demonstrate all the safety features. But she still worried herself silly every time a visit was coming up.

Finally, the family decided that maybe if she saw the statistics she'd be convinced. So they sent her to a friend of the family who was an actuary.

"Tell me," she said suspiciously, "what are the chances that someone will have a bomb on a plane?"

The actuary looked through his tables and said, "A very small chance. Maybe one in five hundred thousand."

She nodded, then thought for a moment. "So what are the odds of two people having a bomb on the same plane?"

Again he went through his tables.

"Extremely remote," he said. "About one in a billion."

Aunt Bessie nodded and left his office.

And from that day on, every time she flew, she took a bomb with her.

Air Force One Crashed!!!


Air Force One crashed in the middle of rural America. Panic stricken the Secret Service mobilized and descended on the farm in force. When they got there, the wreckage was clear. The aircraft was totally destroyed with only a burned hulk left smoldering in a tree line that bordered a farm. Secret Service descended upon the smoking hulk but could find no remains of the crew or the President's staff. To their amazement, a lone farmer was plowing a field not too far away as if nothing at all happened. They hurried over to surround the man's tractor.

"Sir," the senior Secret Service agent asked, panting and out of breath.

"Did you see this terrible accident happen?"

"Yep. Sure did." The man muttered unconcernedly.

"Do you realize that is the President of the United States airplane?"

"Yep."

"Were there any survivors?" the agent gasped.

"Nope. They's all kilt straight out." The farmer sighed cutting off his tractor motor. "I done buried them all myself. Took most of the morning."

"The President of the United States is dead?" The agent gulped in disbelief.

"Well," the farmer sighed, obviously wanting to get back to his work. "He kept a-saying he wasn't ... but you know what a liar he is."

USD1,000,000 Ball Pen


During the heat of the space race in the 1960's, the U.S. National Aeronautics and Space Administration decided it needed a ball point pen to write in the zero gravity confines of its space capsules. After considerable research and development, the Astronaut Pen was developed at a cost of $1 million U.S. The pen worked and also enjoyed some modest success as a novelty item back here on earth.

The Soviet Union, faced with the same problem, used a pencil.

Improve at work


How to improve at work

Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%?

We have all been to those meetings where someone wants over 100%.

How about achieving 103%? Here’s a little math that might prove helpful.

What makes life 100%?

If

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then,
H A R D W O R K
8 1 18 4 23 15 18 11 = 98%

K N O W L E D G E
11 14 15 23 12 5 4 7 5 = 96%

But,
A T T I T U D E
1 20 20 9 20 21 4 5 = 100%

And,
B U L L S H I T
2 21 12 12 19 8 9 20 = 103%

So, it stands to reason that hardwork and knowledge will get you close, attitude will get you there, but bullshit will put you over the top.

And look how far this will take you......

A S S K I S S I N G
1 19 19 11 9 19 19 9 14 7 = 118%

Think about it...and have a nice day at work

Kids..

Accountant


Fresh out of business school, the young man answered a want ad for an accountant. Now he was being interviewed by a very nervous man who ran a small business that he had started himself.
"I need someone with an accounting degree," the man said. "But mainly, I'm looking for someone to do my worrying for me."

"Excuse me?" the accountant said.

"I worry about a lot of things," the man said. "But I don't want to have to worry about money. Your job will be to take all the money worries off my back."

"I see," the accountant said. "And how much does the job pay?"

"I'll start you at eighty thousand."

"Eighty thousand dollars!" the accountant exclaimed. "How can such a small business afford a sum like that?"

"That," the owner said, "is your first worry."

Bomb Technician

British Hospitability


An American tourist in London decides to skip his tour group and explore the city on his own.

He wanders around, seeing the sights, and occasionally stopping at a quaint pub to soak up the local culture, chat with the lads, and have a pint of Guinness.

After a while, he finds himself in a very high class neighborhood - big, stately residences - no pubs, no stores, no restaurants, and worst of all... NO PUBLIC RESTROOMS.

He really, really has to go, after all those Guinness’s.

He finds a narrow side street, with high walls surrounding the adjacent buildings and decides to use the wall to solve his problem.

As he is unzipping, he is tapped on the shoulder by a London Bobbie, who says, "I say, sir, you simply cannot do that here, you know."

"I’m very sorry, officer," replies the American, "but I really, really HAVE TO GO, and I just can’t find a public restroom."

"Ah, yes," said the Bobbie "Just follow me." He leads him to a back "delivery alley," then along a wall to a gate, which he opens. "In there," points the Bobbie. "Whiz away... anywhere you want."

The fellow enters and finds himself in the most beautiful garden he has ever seen.

Manicured grass lawns, statuary, fountains, sculptured hedges, and huge beds of gorgeous flowers, all in perfect bloom.

Since he has the cop’s blessing, he zips down and unburdens himself and is greatly relieved.

As he goes back thru the gate, he says to the Bobbie, "That was really decent of you - is that "British Hospitality?"

"No," replied the Bobbie, with a satisfied smile on his face, "that is the French Embassy."

The Great Writer



There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.

When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"

He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.

Jobs


My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned, I couldn't concentrate.

Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe.

After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn't suited for it. Mainly because it was a so-so job.

Next I tried working in a muffler factory but that was exhausting.

I wanted to be a barber, but I just couldn't cut it.

Then I tried to be a chef--figured it would add a little spice to my life but I just didn't have the thyme.

Finally, I attempted to be a deli worker, but any way I sliced it, I couldn't cut the mustard.

My best job was being a musician, but eventually I found I wasn't noteworthy.

I studied a long time to become a doctor, but I didn't have any patients.

Next was a job in a shoe factory; I tried but I just didn't fit in.

I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I couldn't live on my net income.

Thought about becoming a witch, so I tried that for a spell.

I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company, but the work was just too draining.

I got a job at a zoo feeding giraffes but I was fired because I wasn't up to it.

So then I got a job in a gymnasium (work-out-center), but they said I wasn't fit for the job.

Next, I found being an electrician interesting, but the work was shocking.

After many years of trying to find steady work I finally got a job as a historian until I realized there was no future in it.

My last job was working at Starbucks, but I had to quit because it was always the same old grind.

12 Days of Christmas


Dearest John,
I went to the door today and the postman had delivered a Partridge in a Pear Tree. What a thoroughly delighted gift! I couldn’t have been more surprised.
- With deepest love and affection, Aberdine

Dearest John,
Today the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine- two Turtle Doves! I’m delighted at your very thoughtful gift. They are just adorable. You big silly, what next?
- All my love, Aberdine

Dearest John,
Aren’t you the extravagant one! Now I really must protest. I don’t deserve such generosity - 3 French Hens! They are just darling, but I must insist, you have been too kind.
- Love, Aberdine

Dear John,
Today the postman delivered 4 Calling Birds. Now really, they are beautiful, but don’t you think enough is enough? You’re being too romantic.
- Affectionately, Aberdine

Dear John,
What a surprise! Today the postman delivered 5 Golden Rings; 1 for every finger! You’re just impossible, but I love it. Frankly, all those birds squawking were beginning to get on my nerves.
- All My love, Aberdine

Dear John,
When I opened the door there were actually 6 Geese a-laying on my front steps. So you’re back to the birds again, eh? Those geese are huge! Where will I ever keep them? The neighbors are starting to complain, and I can’t sleep through the racket. Please stop.
- Cordially, Aberdine

John,
What’s with you and those F---ing birds? 7 Swans a-swimming? What kind of goddamn joke is this? There’s bird shit all over the house and they never shut up. I can’t get to sleep at night, and I’m a nervous wreck. It’s not funny! Stop with those F---ing birds already.
- Sincerely, Aberdine

Okay buster, I think I prefer the birds. What the hell am I to do with 8 maids-a-Milking? It’s not enough, but they had to bring their goddamn cows! There’s manure all over the lawn, and I can’t move in my own house. What are you doing to me? Just lay off, smart-ass!
- Aberdine

Hey shithead: What are you? Some kind of sadist? Now there’s 9 pipers piping, and Christ do they play. They haven’t stopped chasing those 8 maids since they got here yesterday morning. The cows are getting upset and they’re stepping all over those screeching birds. What am I to do? The neighbors have started a petition to have me evicted. You’ll get yours...
- Aberdine

You rotten prick! Now there are 10 ladies dancing. I don’t why I call those sluts ladies. They’ve been at it all night, along with those frigging pipers! Now the cows can’t sleep, and they’ve got diarrhea. My living room is a river of shit. The commissioner of buildings has subpoenaed me to give cause why the building shouldn’t be condemned. I am going to ask to ask the police to intervene. One who means it.
- Venomously, Aberdine

Listen F---head: What’s with the 11 lords a-leaping all over those maids and ladies? Some of those broads will never walk again! Those pipers have run through the maids and are committing bestiality with the cows. All 23 of the birds are dead! They’ve been trampled to death in the orgy. I hope you’re satisfied you rotten, vicious, swine.
- Your sworn enemy, Aberdine

Dear Sir:
This is to acknowledge your latest gift of 12 fiddlers fiddling, which you have seen fit to inflict on our client, Aberdine. The destruction of course, was total. All correspondence should come to our attention. If you should attempt to reach Aberdine at the Happy Valley Sanitarium, the attendants have instructions to shoot you on sight. With this letter, please find attached a warrant for your arrest.
Sincerely,
Badger, Bender, Cajole - Attorneys at Law

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Confessions


Once, there was a man who was so upset by his past deeds that he decided to visit a church and confess all of his sins. When he arrived at the church, he walked to the confession area and spoke to the pastor.

"Father, I am sinful."

"Yes, son, just tell me what have you done, the Lord will forgive you."

"Father, I have a steady relationship with my girlfriend, it’s been 3 years and nothing serious ever happened between us. Yesterday, I visited her house, nobody was at home except for her sister. We were alone and I slept with her."

"That’s bad my boy, fortunately you realize your mistake."

"Father, last week I went to my grilfriend’s office to look for her, but nobody was around except for one of her colleagues, so I slept with her too."

"That’s not very good of you."

"Father, last month, I went to her uncle’s house to look for her, nobody was around except for her auntie, and I slept with her too."

"Father?......... Father?"

Suddenly this guy realized that there was no response from the Father, he walked over and discovered that the Pastor was not there. So he began searching for him.

"Father? Where are you?"

He searched high and low, and finally he found him hiding under the table behind the piano.

"Father, why are you hiding here?"

"Sorry son, suddenly I remembered there is nobody around here except me."

Do NOT Misspell Google

Goggle? Oooppss...

Condom Brand Names


Nike Condoms: Just do it.

Toyota Condoms: Oh what a feeling.

Diet Pepsi Condoms: You got the right one, baby.

Pringles Condoms: Once you pop, you can't stop.

Mentos Condoms: The freshmaker.

Flinstones Vitamins Condom Pack: Ten million strong and growing.

Secret Condoms: Strong enough for a man, but ph balanced for a woman.

Macintosh Condoms: It does more, it costs less, it's that simple.

Ford Condoms: The best never rest.

Chevy Condoms: Like a Rock.

Dial Condoms: Aren't you glad you use it? Don't you wish everybody did?

New York Lotto Condoms: Cause hey -- you never know.

Avis Condoms: Trying harder than ever.

EverReady Condoms: Keep going and going...

KFC Condoms: Finger-Licking Good.

Coca Cola Condoms: Always the Real Thing.

Lays Condom: Betcha can't have just one.

Vatican Debate


Several centuries ago, the Pope decided that all the Jews had to leave the Vatican. Naturally there was a big uproar from the Jewish community. So the Pope made a deal. He would have a religious debate with a member of the Jewish community. If the Jew won, the Jews could stay. If the Pope won, the Jews would leave. The Jews realized that they had no choice. So they picked an elderly aged man named Moishe to represent them. Rabbi Moishe’s Latin wasn’t very good - in fact, he knew very little--but he was a man of great faith and well respected in the Jewish community. The pope agreed. What could be easier than a silent debate?

The day of the great debate came. Moishe and the Pope sat opposite each other for a full minute before the Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers. Moishe looked back at him and raised one finger. The Pope waved his fingers in a circle around his head. Moishe pointed to the ground where he sat. The Pope pulled out a wafer and a glass of wine. Moishe pulled out an apple. The Pope stood up and said, "I give up. This man is too good. The Jews can stay."

An hour later, the cardinals were all around the Pope asking him what happened. The Pope said: "First I held up three fingers to represent the Trinity. He responded by holding up one finger to remind me that there was still one God common to both our religions. Then I waved my finger around me to show him that God was all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground and showing that God was also right here with us. I pulled out the wine and the wafer to show that God absolves us from our sins. He pulled out an apple to remind me of original sin. He had an answer for everything. What could I do?"

Meanwhile, the Jewish community had crowded around Moishe. "What happened?" they asked. "Well," said Moishe, "First he said to me that the Jews had three days to get out of here. I told him that not one of us was leaving. Then he told me that this whole city would be cleared of Jews. I let him know that we were staying right here." "And then?" asked a woman. "I don’t know," said Moishe. "He took out his lunch and I took out mine."

Silver Gravy Ladle


Ben invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn't help noticing how beautiful Ben's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between Ben and his roommate and this only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Ben and the roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, Ben volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Allison and I are just roommates."

About a week later, Allison came to Ben and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. "You don't suppose she took it, do you?"

Ben said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure."

So he sat down and wrote: "Dear Mother, I'm not saying you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you 'did not' take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner."

Several days later, Ben received a letter from his mother which read:

"Dear Son, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Allison, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Allison. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now. Love, Mom"

Some fish


One day, a priest decides to take a walk to the pier near his church. He looks around and finally stops to watch a fisherman load his boat. The fisherman notices, and asks the priest if he would like to join him for a couple of hours. The priest agrees. The fisherman asks if the priest has ever fished before; the priest says no. He baits the hook for him and says, "Give it a shot, father."
After a few minutes, the priest hooks a big fish and struggles to get it in the boat. The fisherman says, "Whoa, what a big sonofabitch!"

The priest says, "Ah, please sir, can you mind your language?"

The fisherman responds (thinking quickly), "I’m sorry father, but that’s what this fish is called---a sonofabitch!"

"Oh, I’m sorry," says the priest. "I didn’t know."

After the trip, the priest brings the fish to the church and spots the bishop. "Eminence, look at this big sonofabitch!"

"Please father," says the bishop. "Mind your language, this is a house of God."

"No, you don’t understand," says the priest. "That’s what this fish is called, and I caught it. I caught this sonofabitch!"

"Hmmm," says the bishop. "You know, I could clean this sonofabitch and we could have it for dinner."

So the bishop takes the fish and cleans it, and brings it to Mother Superior at the convent.

"Mother Superior, could you cook this sonofabitch for our dinner tonight with the Pope?"

"My lord, what language!" says the mother.

"No, sister," says the bishop. "That’s what the fish is called---a sonofabitch! Father caught it, I cleaned it, and we’d like you to cook it"

"Hmmm," replies Mother Superior. "Yes, I’ll cook that sonofabitch tonight."

While the Pope is over for dinner that evening he remarks that the fish is superb. He asks where they got it.

"I caught the sonofabitch!" says the priest.

"And I cleaned the sonofabitch!" says the bishop.

"And I cooked the sonofabitch!" says Mother Superior.

The Pope stares at them for a minute with a steely gaze, but then takes off his hat, puts his feet up on the table, and says, "You know, you fuckers are all right.".

Job Application


This is an actual job application submitted to a fast- food restaurant:

NAME: Greg B

DESIRED POSITION: Reclining. Ha ha. But seriously, whatever’s available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn’t be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that’s not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle-management hostility.

SALARY: Less than I’m worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It was lousy.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they’re better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be, "Do you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?:
I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearinghouse Sweepstakes.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in Bimini with a fabulously wealthy supermodel who thinks I’m the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I’d like to be doing that now.

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: No, but I dare you to prove otherwise.

SIGN HERE: Scorpio with Libra rising.

Time off


Two bone weary public servants were working their little hearts and souls out. Their department was just too busy for staff to be able take flex. But there had to be a way...
One of the two public servants suddenly lifted his head. "I know how to get some time off work" the man whispered.

"How?" asked the second worker.

Instead of answering, the man quickly looked around. No sign of his Director. He jumped up on his desk, kicked out a couple of ceiling tiles and hoisted himself up. "Look!" he hissed, then swinging his legs over a metal pipe, hung upside down.

Within seconds, the Director emerged from the Branch Head’s office at the far end of the floor. He saw the worker hanging from the ceiling, and asked him what on earth he thought he was doing.

"I’m a light bulb" answered the public servant.

"I think you need some time off," barked the Director. "Get out of here - that’s an order - and I don’t want to see you back here for at least another two days! You understand me?"

"Yes sir", the public servant answered meekly, then jumped down, logged off his computer and left.

The second worker was hot on his heels.

"Where do you think you’re going?" the boss asked.

"Home," he said lightly. "I can’t work in the dark."

Murder Trial



A guy was on trial for murder and if convicted, would get the electric chair. His brother found out that a red neck was on the jury and figured he would be the one to bribe. He told the red neck that he would be paid $10,000 if he could convince the rest of the jury to reduce the charge to manslaughter.
The jury was out an entire week and returned with a verdict of manslaughter.

After the trial, the brother went to the red neck’s house, told him what a great job he had done and paid him the $10,000.

The red neck replied that it wasn’t easy to convince the rest of the jury to change the charge to manslaughter. They all thought he was not guilty and, wanted to let him go.

Geography Lesson


The teacher of the earth science class was lecturing on map reading.

After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees and minutes the teacher asked, "Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes east longitude?"

After a confused silence, a voice volunteered, "I guess you'd be eating alone."

How many?


The morning after an all-night honeymoon expert virtuoso performance in bed, the somewhat amazed but blissfully happy newlywed wife snuggles up to her new hubby and says, "Darling, you are just wonderful. Last night was simply amazing. May I ask how many others were there before me?"

After a few moments of silence, the wife becomes a little testy and says, "Come on, I know there must have been some - I’m waiting."

And "Captain Experience" takes a deep breath and says, "Hang on sweetheart, I’m still counting."

Story of Ben Bernanke




















As the Fed chairman, replacing Alan Greenspan, his commentary in his speeches are contradictory and cyptic :P


























When the truth hits the market, Benny decided to dish out cheap money via his numerous interest rate cuts.





He even went to the Congress to dish out "stimulus package"













Now, poor Benny is sitting on a delicate position.










In the end, he may just say - "To hell with it, HEY market, CATCH THIS!!!"



















So how will Benny steer this???


Who knows? :P

Syabas Badrul!



Nama hang Badrul. Hang nak jumpa PM ni - nak bagi memorandum.









Memorandum lagi. Jangan buang masalah encik.

Aiyah, hang tahu YB takkan jawab punya. Tapi hang nak jugak bagi. Lepas bagi, hang belahlah.









Ni hang bawak member-member jugak











Ni wayang baru - YB pelakon utama - Master & Commander sempena minat YB pada kapal layar













Ha cepat-cepat bawak banner mari
(Translation: Last hope of the young Malaysians to the Prime Minister - "Continue sleeping O' Prime Minister")





Ni memorandum hang - bantal siap dengan peluk sekali - warna kuning lagi - warna diraja tau? Ada lagi gambar petronas twin tower, siap dengan bendera Malaysia.













Ni hang letak sini dulu. Nanti YB boleh datang ambil.

















Ni dia hasil kerja hang dengan member-member sekali













Baju hitam: Apa ke benda ni?
Baju biru: Habislah kali ini....
Merah: Aduhai, perlu ke?
















Apa bising-bising ni?
Aiks... macam mana sekarang ni, bos?












Mula-mula kita kasi scan dulu... tengok ada bom ke... apa ke...















Aduhai... aku jugaklah yang kena kutip semua ni...